That's My Carlos
by davidsexchuleta
Summary: For all the times Carlos had made Kendall smile, Kendall just wanted to return the favor. Instead, he fell in love. Kenlos. Fluff.
1. My Kind of Perfect

_Oh gosh this is my first fic so I hope you like it and thanks to Emily (thepenamaslow) cause without her this fic would be even shittier than it probably is. _

Kendall sighed in frustration as he stuffed his clothes in his suitcase. He was excited to go to Maui to shoot a new music video, but definitely wasn't excited to organize his clothes in neat piles so they would fit in the suitcase. As he picked up the grey tank top, he stared at it lips twisted deciding if he should bring it to the trip or not. He sighed again, throwing it in the pile of clothes he decided not to bring. He struggled to fold his clothes in perfect squares like the way Carlos taught him. Going through the steps, he tried to remember what Carlos showed him but gave up in frustration. Why couldn't someone just do it for him? Like Carlos. He usually cleans up for Kendall so why can't Carlos just pack for him.

A smile crept on his face as he thought of how Carlos was packing. He was probably in his room blasting songs from Rent while singing along and folding his clothes perfectly for the trip. Kendall chuckled and shook his head at the thought and threw some more shorts and tank tops in his suitcase.

The tall blondie was always fond of the short Latino from the moment they met for Big Time Rush. Sure he got along with Logan and James but the connection he and Carlos had seemed to have a bigger impact on Kendall. The first thing Kendall noticed about Carlos was how his smile would light up the room. Carlos' smile was the most contagious thing in the world. Every time Kendall heard Carlos laugh or saw the way his dark chocolate brown eye squinted when he smiled always made Kendall's heart beat a little faster. Everything about Carlos was perfect to Kendall. Even the little cute mole on Carlos' chin was perfect.

The moments that he and Carlos had together were the moments that he cherished the most. Carlos was the only person that could make him crack a smile even on the worst days. The only person that could make the blond's heart flutter and make his day with just a smile seemed to be Carlos. Kendall wanted to give up on Carlos but he couldn't. Carlos was everything Kendall wanted. He wanted Carlos to be his. He wanted to see the beautiful face of the Latino every second of everyday.

But the one thing Carlos had that Kendall hated was a girlfriend. Carlos was the type of person that would never cheat on his girlfriend and treat her right by bringing her flowers or chocolate or showered her with kisses in the morning. Sam and Carlos have been together for a good 3 years and the chances of him even considering a relationship with Kendall was a big fat zero. Even though Carlos always gushed about what wonderful thing he did with Sam last night, Kendall tried to plaster a smile on his face and reply with a 'that's great' or a 'how wonderful'. But inside, he wished that those were the things Carlos was doing for him, taking him out to dinner or serenading him with his ukulele or watching a romantic movie while cuddling with love of his life. Sam was his number one priority. Maybe one day, Kendall would be his number on priority. Kendall just wished that Carlos would've never met Sam in the first place but she made him so damn happy and that's all the Kendall wanted for Carlos. But Kendall wanted to be happy too. With Carlos.

The buzz of Kendall's phone interrupted his packing. He reached for his phone, seeing that Carlos had texted him. Kendall furrowed his eyebrows. It was passed midnight. What was Carlos still doing up?

**Carlos:** _sam broke up with me :((_

Oh no. Double sad face. Kendall's heart cracked. Carlos was sad. He needed to fix it.

**Kendall:** _Be right over._

While speeding to Carlos' house, Kendall bubbled with anger, gripping onto the steering wheel. How could anyone break up with Carlos? How could anyone do that to his heart? How could anyone fall out of love with the best creation god has ever made? He looked so innocent and adorable and precious. It couldn't have been Carlos' fault. He would never do anything wrong in a relationship. But wait. That means Carlos would be single and Kendall could finally get his chance to win Carlos' heart! Carlos wants a girlfriend. Not a boyfriend. Kendall shook his head. Right now, all he needed to do was to make Carlos happy.

Kendall stood at the front door of Carlos' house and took a deep breath before placing his finger over the doorbell. As the door opened, he found a pair of brown eyes with tears ready to spill over.

"Oh, Carlos. I'm so sor-" Kendall got out before he felt someone's arms wrapped around his small waist.

The dark haired boy buried his face into the blond's chest and felt the hot tears staining his shirt. Kendall's eyes slipped shut, sighing at the feeling while rubbing his hands up and down Carlos' back. He brought Carlos to the couch and sat down, Carlos still in his arms.

The sound of sobs and sniffling filled the big house. It broke Kendall's heart to see the Latino so upset. Every day, Kendall saw him laughing or smiling or jumping around like an adorable bunny. Even if Carlos had a bad day, he would always hide it with a small smile on his face. But seeing Carlos cry made Kendall want to cry too.

They both sat on the couch, arms wrapped around each other waiting for each other to speak.

"I..I don't know what I did wrong. I just called her and she just said…we were over. She hung up before I could say anything else. Kendall, I didn't do anything. I loved her, I treated her right, and she just said it was over. Why doesn't she want me, Kendall? Why?" Carlos muffled into Kendall's chest. "She didn't even come over and break it to me nicely. She just…said it like it was nothing. But she means so much to me. And she said it like our relationship was something she could just throw away."

Kendall frowned into the smaller boy's dark hair, holding him close. He was hurting. He was hurting a lot. He still loved her but she didn't love him back. Carlos didn't deserve getting his heart broken over some high pitched sounding bitch.

"I don't know. It's okay, Carlos. You don't need her. You got me. And the other guys," Kendall whispered into his ear. "You're too good for her anyways. You'll find someone else that'll love you forever and treat you right and never break your heart."

Carlos' dark hair brushed against Kendall's chin and looked up at Kendall, staring into his green eyes. Kendall's heart fluttered at how close their faces were, getting lost in those chocolate brown eyes.

A small grin appeared on the Latino's face. "You really think so?" Carlos asked in a small voice.

Kendall's felt himself smile at how adorable Carlos looked. "I know so," replied Kendall. "Plus we're gonna have a blast in Maui shooting the Windows Down music video! We'll get drunk and party and have tons of fun and you'll get your mind off of her. Maybe you'll get to wear your speedo!"

Carlos placed his head back onto Kendall's chest and laughed. "I do like wearing my speedo,"

Kendall bit his lip as he pictured Carlos in his speedo. He loved the way the speedo emphasized the curve of Carlos' ass. Kendall felt his pants growing tight and stood up quickly hoping to avoid any embarrassment, feeling his cheeks grow hot.

"It's getting late, Carlos. I should be heading home and you should be getting your beauty rest," Kendall said while booping Carlos on the nose.

Carlos giggled and nodded. "Thanks for making me feel better. You're a really great friend," Carlos went in for one last hug, wrapping his arms round Kendall with a tight squeeze.

Kendall bit his lip at the word "friend". "Anything to make you happy," Kendall whispered and placed a chaste kiss onto the shorter boy's hair.

Kendall opened the front door and walked to his car, waving at Carlos. As he drove back home, he smiled to himself, replaying the warmth that he felt when he held Carlos in his arms. He wanted that feeling to last forever. He wanted Carlos in his arms forever.

* * *

The squeak of Kendall's luggage followed behind him as he searched for James, Logan and Carlos. It was too damn early in the morning to be going on a plane. Kendall's eye squinted trying to see through his sleepy eyes. There were barely anyone flying this early in the morning so how hard can it be to find his friends? As he scanned the airport, he felt arms wrapped around his waist. He looked down seeing the caramel skin of the mysterious person. Of course, it had to be Carlos. He turned around, smiling at the smaller boy. God, if only he could just kiss those smooth, plump lips. But what was on those lips was a small smile and circles forming under his eyes. It was obvious that Carlos was still heartbroken from what happened last night but he could tell Carlos was trying to forget about it and just have fun for the trip.

Kendall sighed loudly and offered a small smile to Carlos. "Still a little sad from last night?"

"Yeah…I guess. I feel like I just wasted 3 years of my life on someone who just walked away in less than minute. But I'm here to make the best out of this trip with my 3 best buds, right?" Carlos shrugged and took a hold of the taller boys' hand, dragging him to the rest of his friends.

The feeling of Kendall's hand intertwined with Carlos' hand felt perfect. As cliché as it was, Kendall felt like their hands were meant to fit with each other.

"Kendall! You finally made it! Of course you would be the last one to make it to the airport," James joked and hit Kendall lightly on the shoulder.

Kendall rolled his eyes at the tall brunette. "Well, someone kept me up a little longer than usual."

Carlos bit his lip and blushed at the comment. "Whoops. S-sorry," Carlos squeaked, putting his hands on the back of his neck while his eyes aimed for the ground.

James and Logan's faces showed confusion. "Wait what happened?" asked Logan with a worried face.

"Um…Well…I'm single now…so…" Carlos spitted out, still looking at the floor.

The two brunettes both patted Carlos on the back expressing their condolence. "Oh man. I'm sorry dude. I know how much she means to you. Let's just get on the flight and forget about her cause WE ARE GOING TO FUCKING MAUI!" James threw his fist high in the air.

All four of them laughed at the James' stupidity and made their way onto the plane.

Kendall looked at his ticket, reading the seat number. He sat down, sighing at the long flight ahead of him. He let the lids of his eyes fall hoping to get a few hours of sleep in during the flight, listening to the quite hum of the plane. Just when he was about to doze off, he felt a small tap on his should and opened one eye to peek at who it was. The blond was expecting some old crotchety woman probably thinking he got the wrong seat but instead, he found the small Latino beaming down at him.

"Looks like we get to sit together!" Carlos chirped, plopping himself next to Kendall. "Not only do I get some company, I also get a nice pillow too!"

Kendall blushed at the thought of Carlos falling asleep on his shoulder. Carlos settled in the seat and inspected Kendall's arms. He felt Carlos fluffing his arm like a pillow and Kendall chuckled at the precious gesture Carlos was doing. Why did he have to be so fucking adorable?

Carlos rested his head onto the softer part of Kendall's arm. "This could work!" Carlos hummed. "Oh and can I get the window seat? I kinda wanna see the sunrise."

"Sure, of course!" Carlos stood up, his butt in front of Kendall's face.

_Oh god, not now_. Kendall groaned, praying that nothing would pop up anytime soon.

Carlos looked out the window like a little boy, eye wide and mouth gaping, staring at the sunrise. Kendall rested his head onto the smaller boys' shoulder enjoying how romantic this moment was. The way the light of the sun hit the Latino's tanned skin made him glow. He felt Carlos shift around digging in his pocket to get out his phone. Kendall peered over Carlos' shoulder to see what he was doing and of course, he would be instagraming the sunset. It seemed like the 100th time Carlos did something adorable and it was still early in the morning.

As the flight abided, Carlos seemed to be thinking about something, his lips twisted and concentrated on something.

"You okay?" Kendall furrowed his eyebrows in concern.

Carlos shook his head out of his deep thoughts and glanced at Kendall. "Yeah I guess. Just doing some thinking about Sam. We use to watch the sunrise sometimes." Carlos sighed deeply and Kendall did the same.

Kendall didn't like seeing Carlos sad or confused or angry. He just wanted his Carlos to be happy. As he placed his phone in front of Carlos' face, Carlos raised an eyebrow.

Kendall had an idea. Carlos liked taking pictures so why not just have a little fun on the plane? "Smile!" Kendall shoved the phone in Carlos' face and Carlos grabbed Kendall's wrist, restraining him from taking any more pictures.

"What the hell are you doing?" Carlos laughed.

"Just trying to take your mind of things! Come on! Let's take some dumb pictures and put it on instagram and try to trend shit on twitter! We are supposed to have fun on this vacation and there is no time for sad Carlos!" Kendall exclaimed, encouraging Carlos to indulge in the stupid idea Kendall had.

Carlos rolled his eyes at Kendall and grumbled. "Fine. But this is going on your instagram."

A grin appeared on the blond's face. Kendall loved that even the simplest things he and Carlos do together can be the best of times.

The way Carlos would lean into Kendall while they took the pictures made his heart stop. He loved the contact he was getting from Carlos as they made stupid faces, one picture after another and posting them on twitter. The warmth that was radiating from Carlos' body was comforting to Kendall.

Carlos placed his head on Kendall's shoulder as Kendall looked down at him and snapped the picture. While Kendall was picking a filter for the picture on instagram, Carlos removed Kendall's hand from the phone.

Kendall turned his head to look at Carlos in confusion. "What's wrong?"

He shook his head at the taller boy. "Let's not put this one on instagram, okay? It kinda….makes us look like….a….couple."

Carlos could tell that he had hurt Kendall's feelings from the frown that appeared on the blond's face. Kendall really liked that picture. Like, _really _liked it. It was cute the way Kendall was just looking down at the smaller boy, adoring his perfection and Carlos' head was perfectly place on Kendall's shoulder. Sure, it looked like they were a couple but still, the picture was perfect.

"I was hoping we could keep this one, you know… just for us," Carlos added, hoping Kendall wouldn't be too disappointed.

Kendall's frown soon turned into a smile at the idea. He was definitely gonna make this his background picture on his phone. Every time he checked the time or replied to a text or listen to music, he wanted to see that picture of him and Carlos.

Carlos yawned, throwing his hands up into the air to stretch. Kendall's face started to hurt as he smiled again at how adorable Carlos was. Kendall felt Carlos situating himself on his shoulder, burrowing himself into Kendall's arms. The sweet smell of Carlos entered his nose as he rested his head on the smaller boy's head. He didn't know what it was that made Carlos' smell so addicting. Always wanting more of it.

His eyes began to fall, lulled by the comforting scent, entering a deep sleep with just him and Carlos.


	2. Broken Hearts Heal

_Thanks to everyone who favorited, reviewed, and followed this story. This is my first fic so it felt really good that people actually liked it, haha :) And again, thanks to Emily (thepenamaslow) for helping me with this chapter. Go check her out cause she writes some awesome smut ;)_

"Flight 1934 will be landing in Maui in 30 minutes."

Kendall jerked at the turbulence and groaned. His body ached from the extremely uncomfortable seat. Considering the fact that he's on a popular Nickelodeon show watched by millions of people, they could at least get them first class seats instead of these pain in the neck seats. Literally.

The blonde attempted to raise both his hands to stretch away his drowsiness but felt a weight on his shoulders. He looked down on his shoulders realizing what was laying on his gray hoodie was a sleeping Carlos. The way the Latino's smooth lips opened slightly and the light snore coming from the smaller boy caused the blonde to 'awww' quietly. Kendall couldn't help but admire Carlos' features of his face. The way his eyelashes gently touched his cheeks, the way his nose was perfectly rounded and the way his lips were plump and soft. He would give anything just to capture those lips with his own.

Carlos stirred in his sleep, furrowing his eyebrows. Kendall quickly looked away, eye directing to the ceiling of the plane thinking that Carlos caught him staring. A huff of air released from Kendall's mouth in relief.

He thought maybe he could sneak another peek and looked down at the sleeping boy. Instead, his eye met with Carlos' staring back at him. Kendall's breath hitched, surprised that Carlos had woken up. His heart slammed against his chest, and the butterflies escaped his stomach into his constricting throat.

"Good morning, sleepy head! I didn't know you woke up,"

Carlos rubbed his eyes with his chubby fists. "Yeah, I felt you move and it kinda woke me up. Plus, I heard we were landing so might as well wake up." He shrugged and rested his head on the seat.

Missing the absence of Carlos on his shoulder, he echoed Carlos' actions anxious to get off the plane.

The Latino tugged on Kendall's forearm. "Look Kendall! There's Hawaii! Look how gorgeous it is," Carlos breathed, his voice filled with amazement.

Kendall placed his chin on top of the smaller boys' shoulder, looking out the small window seeing only green and blue and the tree covered hills and mountains. Hawaii was such a mesmerizing place allowing anyone to escape reality. A perfect place for Carlos.

The little boy once again came out of Carlos, mouth gaping at the scene that unfolded between the big patches of white clouds.

"It's it beautiful?" Kendall saw the corner of Carlos' lips rise into a smile.

Kendall simply nodded and just wanted to enjoy the view with his best friend.

* * *

"Thank you for flying with American Airlines."

A symphony of the unclicking of seat belts was heard. "WE'RE HERE!" Carlos jumped out of his seat and grabbed Kendall's hand, pulling him out of his seat.

"Woah, hold on, Carlos. I need to get my carry on stuff and then we can go." Kendall chuckled.

Carlos huffed, crossing his arms impatiently. Kendall grabbed his bag and stood up signaling he was ready to go. The expression on Carlos' face brightened and practically ran off the plane. The blonde rolled his eyes at how stupidly excited Carlos was and tugged on his luggage hoping that Carlos would be waiting for him outside the gate.

Carlos basically dragged the blonde through baggage claim and sprinted out the automatic doors of the airport, Kendall struggling to follow. Even though Kendall's arm almost ripped out from his socket from the amount of force his friend was pulling, he enjoyed every second of it because of course, his fingers were tightly laced around the soft hands of the Latino.

Kendall stepped out of the airport, feeling the 70 degree weather hit him while standing close to Carlos, their hands still linked together. A smile appeared on Kendall's face as he watched the smaller boy taking in the smell of Hawaii. The wind blew on both of their faces, soothing the blush that grew on Kendall's face when he realized his hands were still in Carlos' grip. He looked down at their hands, his grin growing wider at how comforting the feeling was.

He felt Carlos move and glanced at his direction. A blush crept through the tan skin of Carlos realizing that he still had a hold of Kendall's hand. Carlos pulled his hand away from Kendall's in embarrassment.

Before Carlos' hand got away, Kendall grabbed Carlos' hand tighter. "I don't mind," Kendall gave Carlos a smile.

He noticed the smaller hand wrapping its fingers around his own knowing that Carlos didn't mind either, his expression turning from embarrassment to tenderness.

"Carlos! Kendall! Come on! We gotta get to the hotel!"

Both of their head turned to see where the voice was coming from. The two brunettes waved their hands frantically signaling to get in the car.

They let go of their hands, both blushing at what had happened and rushed to Logan and James.

Logan raised an eyebrow questioning what Kendall was doing. Kendall glared at Logan begging him not to bring it up.

Logan was the only one that knew about what Kendall felt for Carlos. The brunette would always try to take Kendall's mind off of Carlos. Every time Kendall felt down, Logan suggested skateboarding or hanging out at the beach. Kendall would give a smile at Logan thanking him for trying to make him feel better. And it did make him feel better. The things that Logan suggested would let Kendall escape from his problems for just few hours, but Kendall appreciated everything Logan did for him. For the past 3 years, Logan has been there for Kendall, trying to cheer him up because the person that he loved would never love him back.

But Logan knew exactly what Kendall was feeling. During the time that they spent together, which was practically every day, something grew in Logan. Something grew in Logan and it was Kendall. Logan didn't want for this to happen because Kendall was always considered just a friend. But all the times that they shared together made Logan feel something for the blonde.

He loved Kendall.

He knew Kendall would never love him back because Kendall was in love with someone else. And that someone had to be another one of his best friends. Carlos. Sometimes he envied Carlos. But he was the reason why he and Kendall got to spend so much time together. Logan tried so hard to stop loving Kendall, but the way his nose scrunched up when he laughed or the amount of feeling he put in when he sang, Logan couldn't help but fall in love.

And now Carlos was looking for someone to love him back and this was Kendall's perfect chance. All he wanted was Kendall to be happy so he knew he had to let him go eventually.

When he saw Kendall and Carlos holding hands, sure he felt jealousy, but he knew Kendall would be the one that would never let go of Carlos and mend his heart. But one day someone else would be his Kendall to Carlos and always love Logan endlessly.

He would always laugh at the fact that fans would never stop tweeting about Kogan to Kendall and him. He wished the Kendall felt the same way as the fans, that they belong together. Logan only wanted happiness for Kendall and if that meant being with Carlos, he's willing to let that happen. Oh, if the fans only knew the real story of what was really going on.

The car ride to the hotel was quite. Only the humming of car was heard by the four members of Big Time Rush. Carlos was clearly thinking about Sam and Kendall could tell. The last time Carlos was here, he was with her. Kendall watched Carlos with his lips pursed knowing that the memories of Sam were flooding back into Carlos' mind only making him even more upset.

The expression of Carlos' face turned a 360 as they arrived at the hotel.

"Kendall, look how big it is!" Carlos opened the door and jumped out of the car only to hit his head on the roof of the car.

Carlos rubbed his head, eye squinting and nose scrunch as he felt a bump start to accumulate.

"This is the reason why you should calm down, Los," Kendall joked. Clearly, Carlos wasn't amused and punched Kendall in the arm to retaliate.

The blonde yelped in pain while holding his arm. "What the hell, Carlos! I was only joking!"

"Looks like we're both gonna need an icepack," Carlos smirked and stuck out his tongue.

Kendall rolled his eyes. "Here," He reached out to take Carlos' head and kissed it. "Does it feel better?"

The Latino nodded and kissed Kendall's arms in return. Kendall's heart jumped at the feeling of Carlos' lips pressed against his skin.

Carlos interrupted Kendall's thoughts and took a hold his wrist, dragging him to the front door. "Come on. Let's just go see our rooms."

They all walked in, greeted by their director, Marc Klasfeld. "Glad to see you guys again! And welcome to Maui! So you guys will be staying at this hotel for the whole time and tomorrow we'll start shooting," Marc handed them two room keys. "Logan and James are in room 110 and Kendall and Carlos will be in room 111. My room is 112 so I'm right next to you guys. Tomorrow's wakeup call will be at 6:30 so we have enough time to drive to the location where we're filming, got it?"

Logan, James, and Carlos nodded, but Kendall stopped listening after he heard that he was rooming with Carlos. And what was that room number? Oh yeah, 111. His lucky number and Carlos. Was this a sign from God? Things like this don't usually happen, do they?

"Kendall, let's go!" Carlos shouted, trying to get Kendall's attention. He grabbed Kendall's hand, which definitely got his attention, and dragged him to the elevator.

The very excited Latino grabbed the room key out of Kendall's hand.

_What if the room has only one bed? I can't share a bed with Carlos. Nonononono. _

The door to room 111 opened and relief swarmed Kendall's body. To be honest, Kendall wouldn't mind cuddling with Carlos every night. But taking that step would be too much for Kendall emotionally. Even holding hands with Carlos was already too much. He spent 3 years feeling ignored and distant from Carlos and now everything was changing a little too fast for Kendall. The blonde felt overwhelmed by his feelings and desperately needed a nap.

He plopped on the bed with a long sigh. The perfectly soft white bed sheets became wrinkled as Carlos jumped up and down testing out the bed.

"Carlos, you're gonna break the bed. Remember last tour?"

"That was one time!" The squeaks of the springs in the bed mixed with Carlos' reply.

"Well can you let me nap? It's still 8 o'clock in the morning and this is the least that you could do for me since you were the one keeping me up last night," Kendall muffled into his pillow.

Kendall heard a big squeak of the springs assuming that Carlos laid down on the bed instead of pouncing on it. He turned his head to see the Latino pouting at him.

"Fine. I'm going to check out the pool and the view. I already got a wonderful sleep on the plane ride. See you later, pillow!" Carlos' voice faded as he walked through the door with a loud slam following.

Kendall blushed at the memory and cleared his head, ready for a relaxing nap.

* * *

Kendall woke up with a groan, feeling weight on his stomach and something loud ringing in his ears. _What was going on?_

There was someone shouting at him, something Kendall couldn't make out. He opened he eyes still exhausted from his nap and saw the Latino straddling him, yelling at him to wake up.

"Kendall, come on! It's dinner time! We're having a luau!"

A rumbling came from Kendall's stomach from skipping breakfast and lunch. Kendall sat up, Carlos still on his waist and rubbed the sleepiness out of his eyes.

"Okay, okay. Let me change and go pee cause you're really putting pressure on my bladder right now," Kendall pointed to where Carlos was sitting and the smaller boy hopped off, making a disgusting face.

Kendall chuckled and rolled his eyes at the face Carlos made and gathered his clothes. "I'll meet you guys are the lobby then."

Carlos nodded and ran out of the room excited to stuff his face at the Hawaiian feast.

The luau was filled with all different kinds of Hawaiian food like poi, kalua pig, lomi salmon and other traditional items that none of them could pronounce. It was a great way to start a vacation, especially since they were right along the beach. They enjoyed the meal listening to crash of the waves and the sea breeze cooling their faces after being next to a large fire that illuminated the food on the table.

The performances on stage was probably the best part of the meal according to Carlos as his face lighted up watching the hula dancers sway their hips to the music. Kendall stared at Carlos the way Carlos stared at the hula dancers, mesmerized by his beauty and the way light from the fire bounced off his tan skin. He really had never seen someone as beautiful as Carlos. Kendall loved to study the Latino's face and expressions he made. Kendall never understood how everything Carlos did was the cutest thing he'd ever seen. The blonde admired every feature of Carlos because he was perfection. Carlos was perfect.

Carlos' eyes widened as he noticed the sun setting.

"Kendall, let's go walk on the beach! I don't want to miss the sunset!" Carlos stuck out his hand for Kendall to grab.

Kendall stared at it, biting his lip and grasped onto Carlos' hand only to find him pulled away to the beach eagerly. He really had a hard time keeping up with Carlos.

The sand squished between Kendall's toes and his foot sunk into the new terrain. The wet sand began to stick onto their feet as the waves approached them. The sunset really was beautiful. The way the sky turned purple and orange and reflected from the rippling waters ravished and captured the attention of both boys.

"Isn't it beautiful?" Carlos breathed.

Kendall looked over at Carlos and smiled. "Yeah, you are," Kendall whispered softly but not loud enough that Carlos could hear.

"Hm?" Carlos asked not quite hearing what Kendall said.

The blonde stared back at the sunset, noticing his hands were still clasped onto Carlos'. "Yeah, it is beautiful."

The smaller boy sat down onto the sand, tugging at Kendall's hand to do the same. Letting go of Carlos' hand, he seated himself next to the Latino missing the contact he felt.

The silence stretched between them as they gazed at the sunset. This seemed like the perfect place to think. The sound of the waves and wind whistling became a calming sanctuary for people to be lost in thought.

"Last time I was here, Sam and I sat in this same spot to watch the sunset," Carlos looked down, remembering the memory.

Kendall took a deep breath and let it out. "You have to let her go, Carlos. She's causing you pain. Why do you still love her after she hurt you?"

"She made me feel like I was loved and wanted. We spent so much time together. It felt uncomfortable when I wasn't with her. But now she's doing just fine and I feel broken. Kendall, I still love her but she doesn't love me back. I don't know what to do," Carlos voice broke.

Kendall wrapped his arms around Carlos to comfort him. "It's okay, Carlos. I understand exactly what you're going through. You find this perfect person in your life and you want to spend every second with them, but you can't. You want to keep them forever and never let them go. It's hard for me so it's going to be hard for you. Both of our hearts have been broken into a million pieces," Kendall spoke with passion, "but the one that takes the time to put the puzzle back together and mend your heart will love you endlessly for who you are. And you'll find that someone one day. It might not be Sam, it might not be your next girlfriend, but I promise you you'll find that someone."

The Latino let out a sigh and leaned his head on Kendall's chest. "I hope so."

Carlos furrowed his eyebrows realizing what Kendall just said. "Wait. You understand what I'm going through? To love someone and they don't love you back?"

Kendall tensed. Shit, why did he have to bring it up? He felt Carlos move and look at him. His eyes burned at Kendall wondering what the blonde was talking about. Kendall frowned and ran a hand through his hair. How could he tell Carlos without him finding out the truth?

"Well, there's a guy that's amazing and perfect and- "

"What? A guy?" Carlos interrupted making Kendall jump. "You're…you're…"

"Yeah. I am," Kendall was unsure how Carlos would take it. What if Carlos didn't accept him? He didn't want Carlos to hate him. It was who he was. The tone in Carlos' voice sounded disappointed. He didn't want to lose Carlos. He didn't want to lose the person he loved the most.

From the silence, Kendall stood up. He knew Carlos thought he was disgusting. "I'm just gonna go."

"No. Wait, Kendall!" Carlos shouted and stood up, chasing after Kendall. Carlos slapped himself mentally. He should've something instead of just staying quite. Kendall probably thought he hated him.

Carlos pulled Kendall's hand turning him around to face him and tugged Kendall's arms. Kendall slammed into Carlos' body and felt arms around his waist. Carlos wanted to show that he still loved Kendall no matter what. Kendall placed his hands on Carlos' back and head, tightening the hug. Not a word was spoken, but Kendall understood Carlos accepted Kendall for who he was.

"I'm sorry I didn't say anything. I was in shock and I-" Kendall shushed the smaller boy in his arms.

"I'm just happy you don't hate me," They both let go of the hug and sat back down on the soft sand.

"Hate you? Why would I hate you? You're still my best bud. I'll love you no matter what,"

Kendall flushed scarlet. That word. Love.

"Thanks, Los."

The Latino rested his head on Kendall's shoulder. "So this guy you like…What's he like?"

Kendall's mouth set into a hard line thinking of a way to explain Carlos without him knowing Kendall was talking about him. "He's really sweet and doesn't have a mean bone in him. I guess from the moment I saw him, I wanted him to be mine, forever."

A smile appeared on Carlos' face. He could tell Kendall really was in love with this guy.

"Every moment I've spent with him has been perfect. But not as perfect as him. His short dark hair, his personality, his everything is perfect. Sometimes, I can't believe how adorable he is or how in the world can someone be so cute? I love him so much, but it breaks my heart to know that he doesn't love me back. There's no chance that he would even consider to be in a relationship with me because that'll be risking our friendship. The friendship we have is important to me but I think taking that next step would be wonderful. I want our relationship to grow into something more. But I'm afraid it might be ruined if I told him what I felt for him because he's my best friend."

Carlos was taken back by what Kendall was going through. How come he didn't know about this until now? Kendall never seemed to be sad or upset about anything.

"Wow, you really love this guy," Carlos laughed. "Do I know him?"

Kendall smiled a knowing smile. "I think you might," he smirked leaving Carlos' face confused and wanting an answer.

"Is he someone I've seen before?"

"Maybe."

"Is he someone I know really well."

Kendall repeated himself. "Maybe."

"Does he work with us?"

"Carlos, I can't tell you. And maybe."

Carlos narrowed his eyes. "Is he one of us?" And by us, Kendall knew he was asking if this mystery guy was part of Big Time Rush.

Again, Kendall said, "Maybe," leaving Carlos wide-eyed. He raised an eyebrow to confirm what the Latino was thinking.

The blonde stood up sticking a hand out for Carlos to help him up. "Come on. It's getting dark."

They both walked back to the luau leaving Carlos speechless.

Carlos thought about who Kendall was talking about. James couldn't be who Kendall loved because James didn't spend much time with Kendall. Sure they were friends, but Kendall described him having short dark hair which left him and Logan.

Logan and Kendall did spend a lot of time together…more than best friends should, right? It was always Kendall and Logan who shared a tour bus together or wherever Logan went, Kendall wanted to tag along. And the way Kendall smiled at Logan whenever they were together looked like he was in love…well at least he thought so.

All he wanted Kendall to be was happy. The way he talked about who he thinks is Logan was so passionate and loving. From then on, Carlos was determined to make Logan fall in love with Kendall.

_Thoughts? :)_


	3. Stupid Carlos

_Woops sorry it's been like 2 weeks but hey, I got my wisdom teeth out so I could not do anything for a week. Plus Emily (thepenamaslow) went on vacation so I had no motivation, haha. But I updated so yay! _

Knowing that Carlos accepted him, Kendall felt like he had the best sleep in years. 5 hours of sleep seemed terrible, but it was eternity for Kendall. Working on a TV show meant no time to sleep so five hours was pretty generous.

The blonde gasped at the cold sensation that attacked his body and threw the covers off. Kendall's shirt began to stick to his body as water ran down his face. He growled when he heard giggles coming from across the room.

"Carlos! You asshole!" He launched at the Latino, now fully awake and ready to retaliate.

Carlos squeaked and dodged Kendall before he could get to him. "You were late so I wanted to wake you up," Carlos explained.

"This is what you thought of to wake me up?" The blonde swiftly moved around the two queen sized beds grabbing Carlos by the hem of his shirt.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time."

Kendall tackled him to the bed and held both of Carlos' wrists above his head, straddling his waist to restrict him from moving. "Gee, I wonder if it was a good idea now."

Using his free hand, Kendall reached down at Carlos' sides to tickle the squirming boy beneath him.

"Kendall, I'm sorry! I swear! We're going to be late! Please!" Carlos gasped for air as the blonde's fingers dug into his stomach.

Kendall scoffed. "No way," He laughed at Carlos as he struggled to get out of his grasp.

The brown eyes of the Latino grew wide. Kendall stopped, his eyebrows came together questioning why Carlos halted so suddenly. He hopped off the smaller boy, cheeks turning crimson. Turns out Kendall's fingers weren't the only thing that dug into Carlos' stomach.

The ground became interesting to Kendall. "Sorry…It's the morning…" He mentally slapped himself. How awkward was that?

He heard Carlos laughing at him. "It's fine, Kendall. I understand. Happens to me all the time," Carlos impersonated Flo from the Progressive commercials.

Stupid Carlos. Of course he had to say it like that. Kendall's green eyes met with Carlos' and shrugged apologetically. "I was gonna take a shower, but looks like someone already gave me one," Kendall teased.

"Just hurry up. I don't wanna miss the sunrise."

Kendall chuckled. It was cute how Carlos was so obsessed with sunrises and sunsets. But every time, he loved the way the sun shined on his skin. It was like God's way of sending perfection to earth.

As he scrambled out of his clothes, he shivered. He hopped in the shower, the water warming his skin from this morning's surprise. A grin rose from his lips. Today was the day they started filming their music video. That meant a day on the beach with his best friends, especially with Carlos. There was an endless possibility of different romantic things they could do and Kendall wanted to spend all of them with Carlos. This was his time to win Carlos' heart.

He stepped out of the shower and looked at the fogged mirror. A banging came from the door.

"We're going to be late! Let's go!"

"Let me put some clothes on and I'll be done" Kendall replied, throwing on his swim trunks and shirt.

He reached for the door knob and sprinted out the door. Carlos yelped and fell backwards as the taller boy ran into him.

"Jesus, Carlos! Are you okay? I'm so sorry! What were you doing? I thought you were already downstairs in the lobby," Kendall reached out a hand to pull Carlos up.

Carlos stood up, straightening out his striped tank top. "I was trying to scare you but you just happened to ruin my plan."

Kendall rolled his eyes and smiled at Carlos' tank top. "Aw, you're wearing my favorite tank top. And it fits you perfectly. It looks really nice on you."

Carlos smiled at the comment, suddenly feeling shy. "Shut up. We need to get to the lobby."

The blonde chuckled at his reaction. Maybe he was finally getting to Carlos. He definitely made Carlos blush. Maybe he just needs to keep hinting that he likes Carlos and maybe Carlos would feel the same way.

But Carlos is straight. _Ugh_. Kendall shook his head. Right now, he needed to focus on the music video.

* * *

The car they drove in was definitely perfect for Maui. A black jeep that fit all four of them. Carlos hopped in the driver's seat, ready to follow their director to the location. Calling "shotgun", Kendall opened the car door and sat next to Carlos.

The Latino put the car in gear, his arm brushing against Kendall's. Kendall scooted closer, hopefully getting more accidental brushes by Carlos or him "accidentally" brushing Carlos'.

The open top of their jeep allowed the wind to blow into the blonde's hair, his bangs covering his eyes every time he glanced to his left to look at Carlos. Sighing in frustration, he turned on the radio to some Hawaiian music to compliment the sunrise.

Carlos turned his head to look at Kendall and said, "How lucky are we? We get to work and go on vacation. It's like a workation!" Carlos' voice rose when he figured out how to put the two words together.

The other three boys rolled their eyes at the dumb but adorable comment.

"You know, you guys are lucky that I kept bugging management about this music video. If I didn't keep pushing them to let us shoot it in Maui then we wouldn't have another excuse to come back here," Carlos gloated.

"Gee thanks. I totally haven't heard you say that to us before," Kendall's sarcasm was replied with Carlos scoffing.

"Shut up. None of you have thanked me yet so I'm just going to keep reminding you guys so hopefully one of you will return the favor."

"Okay. Thank you. You happy? Now pay attention to the road. We're here," Logan muttered.

Carlos turned the wheel and pulled into a parking lot near a cliff. "Looks like we're going cliff diving, boys," Carlos said, sticking out his hand for all of them to high five.

All four of them jumped out of the car and met up with the director.

They were all met with a smile on Marc's face. "Good morning boys! Ready to start shooting?"

Cheering in unison, they followed Marc to set up. "Today, we'll be exploring a little around this area. There are waterfalls, rivers, cliffs, and other locations that will be perfect for shooting the music video," he continues, looking at his watch. "The girls will be here soon so-"

"There are going to be girls?!" Carlos and Kendall said together, both in different tones.

Kendall's smile dissolved. He didn't want girls. He didn't need girls. All he needed was Carlos. But Carlos was definitely excited to have girls in this music video. It was his chance to forget about Sam. And these girls were going to be attractive. So being Carlos, he was definitely going to do some flirting.

Kendall didn't know how he was supposed to handle Carlos flirting with another girl. Or even worse: the girl flirting with Carlos. He didn't want some slut flirting with his Carlos, let alone looking at his Carlos.

His face stiffened at his thoughts. But Carlos' expression was the opposite of the blonde's. A grin shined on the Latino's face. He gazed over at Kendall.

His dark eyebrows came together. "What's wrong? We're going to hang out with hot girls in bikinis all day! It's going to be…" His words trail off, remembering what Kendall had told him last night and his face fell. "Oh yeah. Well, maybe there's gonna be hot guys in speedos at the beach!" Carlos winked, making Kendall chuckle.

"Too bad you're not in a speedo," Kendall winked back, Carlos replying with his cheeks blushing scarlet.

"Management wouldn't let me wear it. They said it was too inappropriate for Nickelodeon," Carlos emphasized the word "inappropriate" and continued. "You see swimmers wearing speedos in the Olympics and you don't see people saying it's inappropriate."

All Kendall could do was laugh at Carlos' defense. Their head whipped to the sound of another car coming. _The girls were here._

A breath of air escaped Kendall's mouth as the girls got out of the car. _They were all hot. _Something Kendall didn't want to happen.

Logan came up from behind and patted Kendall on the shoulder. "What's wrong?"

"They're gorgeous," Kendall replied.

The brunette raised an eyebrow. "And the problem is?"

Kendall glared at Logan and explained, "The problem is that they're gorgeous and Carlos is going to go for one of them. I can tell by the way he's literally undressing them with his eyes."

Logan sighed. "It's going to be fine. Carlos would never leave your side. He's your best friend. Just tell him that you have feelings for him."

"I already did…kinda," Kendall shrugged.

"Wait, what? You told him you loved him?" Logan's eyes widened.

"No, I just told him I was gay. And he accepted me which was good, I guess. I gave him a few hints about who it might be, but he's still clueless."

"That's wonderful! One step closer, am I right?" He gave Kendall another pat on the back.

Kendall shrugged again. "But he likes girls. He was so excited when Marc told us there were going to be girls. Why aren't you as excited as him? I mean, these girls are hot and probably single," Kendall suggested. "You should get to know one of them and get her number. You really need to get a girlfriend, dude. You've seemed lonely."

"Uh…yeah." Logan laughed nervously.

Kendall gave him a smile and slapped him on the back, walking away to meet the girls.

Logan shook his head and sighed. He knew he was a hypocrite himself. Maybe he should've told Kendall that he had feelings for him, but he knew he couldn't. Kendall loved Carlos and Logan would've just messed the whole thing up. Kendall already had enough to deal with and Logan would just put more on his plate.

Right now, he needed to not focus on his problems and just enjoy the adventure they were going to have.

Logan caught up with the rest of the guys and shook hands with girls.

"Hello, ladies," Carlos said with a grin. "I'm Carlos and this is Kendall, James, and Logan."

Each of them gave a smile as their names were called. The girls gave a flirty smile and Kendall couldn't help my roll his eyes.

One of the blondes put a hand on Carlos' arm and that definitely caught Kendall's attention. She giggled and flipped her hair causing Kendall to scoff with disgust. How could she think about flirting with Carlos? His Carlos! His fists balled up and he was ready to slap that ratchet in the face. How dare she touch him? The only blonde Carlos could fancy was him.

Logan put a hand on the angry blonde's shoulder, stopping him from doing anything stupid. "Woah, dude. Calm down. You really gotta control your jealousy. Let Carlos have a little fun."

Kendall's face fell, rethinking what he was about to do. "You're right. I have to stop. This is getting out of control."

Both Logan and James became acquainted with the other blondes, which left the brunette to Kendall.

She walked over to Kendall and introduced herself. "Hey, I'm Jasmine!"

"Nice to meet you," Kendall replied. "We're going to have tons of fun today!"

"Yes, we are," she winked at Kendall, flipping her hair and then walked away.

His eyes narrowed, confused at what she meant. "Sure..."

Girls. This is why he didn't want to be straight.

* * *

The shoot seemed to be going fine for Logan, Carlos, and James. Everyone was having fun except for Kendall. And Jasmine. Kendall watched Carlos' blonde slut like a hawk. If she did anything that was a little bit too "friendly", he was ready to claw her head right off.

Everyone could tell Jasmine had the worst time. She tried to get Kendall's attention or get a conversation started, but all Kendall did was push her away.

"Kendall, you should try interacting with your girl a little more. She looks so bored," advised Carlos.

"Like what?" Kendall asked.

"Like…putting your arms around her waist or kissing her on the cheek. It'll look really good for the video," Carlos suggested.

The blonde nodded and grinned like a lunatic. "Maybe you could show me?"

"Here," Carlos walked in front of Kendall and took his hand. "So just stand behind her and do this." He placed Kendall's hand on his hips.

Kendall slowly wrapped both of his hands around the smaller boy and bit his bottom lip. "Like this?" Kendall whispered in the Latino's ears, feeling him shiver from the breath he felt on the shell of his ear.

Carlos' body tensed. "Yeah…Like that. And then just give her a kiss on the cheek."

A smirk appeared on Kendall's face. Was he really going to do it? Leveling his head next to Carlos, he licked his lips and turned to plant an innocent kiss on his cheek.

He frowned when Carlos escaped his grasp. "Uh yeah good job I'm going to go back okay," Carlos spitted out avoiding eye contact with Kendall.

_Fuck. _Kendall had gone too far.

"Carlos, wait!" Kendall called out, but Carlos kept walking.

His eyes began to feel hot and started to water. What if he just lost Carlos? But Carlos was his everything. This can't be happening.

Tears coursed down his cheeks and wiped them away hurriedly with his fingers, scrambling for his sunglasses. He put them on clumsily hoping no one suspected anything. Desperately, he tried to keep his emotions hidden to continue the video shoot. He didn't want anyone asking him what was wrong because he just didn't want to think about what happened.

Fake smiles became easier for Kendall. He plastered one on his face as if nothing had occurred.

As the day continued, the blonde found it harder and harder to erase Carlos out of his mind. The Latino and his girl cuddled and flirted and held hands and did everything else that triggered Kendall's gag reflex.

All he wanted in the world was for Carlos to love him back. It frustrated Kendall how Carlos couldn't just want Kendall for the rest of his life. Kendall treated him right and would never break the sweet heart of Carlos. Unlike Sam.

Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his phone to get his mind off things. Maybe Twitter would make him feel better. As he skimmed through his time line, he chuckled at some tweets but soon he came across some of Carlos' tweets.

TheCarlosPena "you never know what you have until you have lost it" I am on a mission to find it again

Kendall frowned. Carlos really missed her. "But you have me. Come back, please," he whispered.

TheCarlosPena Can't sleep…

He clicked on the instagram photo. Of course; his shower song. It was John Legend's Stay with You. Kendall smiled a little. Every time Carlos showered, that song always echoed through the entire bathroom. Kendall didn't mind. He loved to listen to the vibrato in Carlos' voice and the way the acoustics of the bathroom made his voice sound husky and beautiful.

His fingers slid up his iPhone screen, spotting another one of Carlos' recent tweets.

TheCarlosPena Thinking about u….Miss u like a fat kid misses his chocolate cake at fat camp :/

That little fucker _would_ say that.

"Why can't you just be happy? With me? Then you wouldn't be filling my timeline with ridiculously depressing tweets."

"You saw those tweets too?"

The blonde jumped. Logan sat next to Kendall on the sand, smiling down at him.

"He seems pretty sad. And so do you. We don't need half of BTR upset, do we?"

Kendall shifted uncomfortably, bending his knees to prop his elbows as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"What do mean he's sad? He looks pretty damn happy with that girl to me. Look at them. All cuddly and giggly. Makes me want to puke," he spat out.

The brunette laughed, putting a hand on Kendall's shoulders. "Dude, he's miserable. He seemed fine this morning, but now he seems….off. Did anything happen?"

Kendall bit his, contemplating if he should tell Logan or not. "Well, I kissed him."

Logan turned all the way to face Kendall. "What?!"

"Let me finish, Jesus. I kissed him on the cheek. And he freaked. He totally freaked out. He just made an excuse and left," Kendall sighed. "Logan, I totally fucked up. I went too far and he hates me now. I just…" Kendall's voice broke. "I don't want to be just friends. I want to be more than just friends. So badly."

"Hey, it's okay. I know how you feel. And he doesn't hate you. Just give him time to think, okay? He'll come around, I promise. You're still his best bud. He couldn't live a day without you. I'll give him a little talk and you guys will work this out. Let's just go back and finish what we have to get done today for the shoot."

"Thanks, Logan. You're a really great friend, you know that?" Kendall's lips quirked up into a smile.

Logan frowned. That word. Friend. Looks like both of them hated that word. They both wanted something more of something they could never get.

"Anytime," Logan hugged Kendall and helped him off the ground.

They brushed the sand off their pants, giving each other one last smile and headed back to the others.

Logan glanced over at the Latino. He was deep in thought, completely distracted. So was Kendall. These two boys need to get their shit together.

"Carlos, can I talk to you?" Logan shouted, waving at him.

Carlos turned his head finding the voice that had called him. The smaller boy stuck his hands in the pocket of his trunks and walked over to Logan. "What's up?"

"Kendall seems a bit down. You should go cheer him up," Logan suggested.

"I saw you guys talking and hugging. It looks like you cheered him up since he's in lo-" His eyes widened and covered his mouth quickly. A loud "smack" was made and frightened Logan.

"What?" Logan asked, confused at what Carlos just did.

A nervous laugh escaped Carlos' mouth. "Uh…Nothing. I'm just going to talk to Kendall yeah that's what I'm going to do okay I said nothing bye." He ran off to Kendall, his face flushed for almost giving away Kendall's secret.

Logan's eyes narrowed. "What a strange kid."

From the corner of his eye, Kendall spotted Carlos running his direction. His laugh from James' comment disappeared. Why was he suddenly nervous? It's Carlos. Oh, that's why. _It's Carlos._

He turned when he felt a light tap on his shoulders. Carlos stared up at Kendall with nervous eyes. Kendall blinked at the smaller boy, hoping he would start the conversation.

"Hi," Carlos squeaked.

"Carlos, I'm sorry I shouldn't have kissed you on the cheek I wasn't thinking I know you're mad at me please just don't hate me-" It all came out as one sentence, Carlos chuckling.

"Kendall, calm down. I don't hate you. I would never hate you. I just sort of freaked out, I guess. I just needed some time to think. Logan talked to me and said you were upset and I didn't mean to make you upset," Carlos' expression changed instantly. "Oh god, I'm such a terrible person. I've been avoiding you all day. That's why you think I hated you. I'm so sorry, Kendall, please forgive me. God, I should just drown in the ocean for being as assho- "

Kendall reached out for Carlos and took him in, hugging him. Carlos gasped, surprised at the random hug. "Did that shut you up?"

Carlos giggled, wrapping his arms around Kendall's waist resting his head on Kendall's chest and sighed. "So you forgive me."

"Of course I do. I could never stay mad at you. And again, I'm sorry for kissing you on the cheek. I guess my gay just came out a little."

Kendall felt Carlos laugh. "No, it's okay. It was…nice."

He looked down at the smaller boy, shocked by his reply. "Nice? It wasn't weird?"

"No. It was sweet. You should do it more often. It's comforting. "

Kendall could only smile. "Then I shall."

"You know, your heart is beating pretty fast." Carlos pointed out.

Kendall's cheeks turned hot. "Shut up."

Carlos budged to escape Kendall's hug, but Kendall held onto the Latino tighter. "Kendall, let go! People are starting to stare."

"So? It's comfortable."

Carlos scoffed. "Okay, so now you're mocking me? And now for my revenge this morning."

"What?" Kendall asked in confusion, but started laughing uncontrollably as Carlos' fingers tickles his sides.

Kendall let go of Carlos and pouted. "Not fair."

"Hey, at least I don't have a boner right now," Carlos teased while walking away.

"It was the morning!" Kendall repeated from this morning and heard Carlos laughing.

He rolled his eyes at the memory. Stupid Carlos.

* * *

"Oh. My. God. What a long day," Kendall huffed and plopped on his bed. "And thanks a lot Carlos. My bed is still wet."

"Probably from your boner."

"Shut up!" Kendall shouted. He wanted to forget about that. But stupid Carlos kept bringing it up. "Looks like I'm sleeping on the couch."

"No way. You can share my bed. It's comfier and warmer than the couch. Cause I'm sleeping in it," Carlos winked.

Kendall wanted to strangle Carlos. Carlos was flirting with Kendall, yet he didn't even know. Carlos was playing with his feelings. But he never said he didn't like it.

"What if my gay comes out on you?"

"Please. I know you'll behave."

"Sure…." Kendall wasn't sure if he _was_ able to behave. Sleeping with Carlos all night would open tons of opportunities for him to get aroused and horny. Shit. What did he get himself into?

"Yay! I get to have my pillow all night!" Carlos grinned, skipping to the bathroom to take a shower.

Kendall ran his hands down his face. Why did he have to be _so_ adorable?

As they both finished their shower, Carlos was in bed first reading a book with his glasses on. Kendall rolled his eyes. Those glasses weren't even prescription glasses.

Carlos heard Kendall come out of the shower and closed his book, grinning up at the taller boy. Kendall ran the towel through his hair violently, surprised to see Carlos still staring at him from his bed. He watched as the Latino scanned his body, head to toe.

Kendall smirked. "See something you like?"

"Shut up and get it. I was waiting for my pillow." He took his glasses off and put them aside on the table next to him and opened his blanket up, offering Kendall to slip in.

_My pillow_. Kendall chuckled at the cute nickname Carlos gave him. Kendall climbed in bed, placing his head on the soft pillow. His eyes slowly drooped close. Then, he felt an arm wrap around his waist and someone cuddling next to him.

"Carlos? What are you doing?"

"I named you my pillow so you are my pillow. You're really comfy."

He situated himself closer to Carlos as the smaller boy placed his head on Kendall's chest sighing in content. His arms wrapped tighter around the blonde's waist, pressing his warm body closer.

"Better?" Kendall asked.

"Much." Carlos grinned and closed his eyes.

Kendall laughed and took in air through his nose. The smell of Carlos invaded his senses and he couldn't get enough of it. The scent of what smelled like lavender and strawberries and just the natural smell of Carlos mixed together was bliss to his nose. He sighed, slowly falling asleep to it.

Interrupting the silence, Carlos asked, "Are you smelling me?"

"No. I was…taking a deep breath." Kendall hesitated, embarrassed Carlos caught him.

"It's okay. I was smelling you, too. You smell nice."

"Just go to sleep, Los," Kendall chuckled.

"Goodnight, pillow."

"Goodnight," Kendall whispered into Carlos' hair and kissed it, hearing Carlos hum.

This felt right. Having Carlos in his arms felt perfect. He wouldn't mind having Carlos cuddle up to him for the rest of the three nights they were here. Or for the rest of his life.


	4. Playing With Lightning

_woot woot! I finally finished this chapter omg. It's probably is going to take as long as two weeks to write a new chapter cause of school :( but hey, at least I try, haha. But I hope you enjoy this chapter cause you're not getting one for another 2 weeks woooomp._

A ringing sound in Kendall's ear made his body jerk awake. He heard a groan under him, the Latino awake as well. The corner of Kendall's lips tugged into a smile. The fact that Kendall spent a whole night cuddling with Carlos turned him into a little teenage girl squealing on the inside. Kendall couldn't believe all the things that had happened since this trip started. He thought Carlos sleeping on his shoulders was a homerun, but the hand holding and cuddling felt like he just hit the baseball out of the stadium.

The weight on top of him moved and squeezed the blonde's waist tighter. He wrapped his arms around Carlos' small frame and sighed. "Carlos, we have to get up or we're going to be late again."

Another groan came out of Carlos. "No. You were the one that made us late. And I felt like I had the best sleep of my life. You know, you should be my permanent pillow. Maybe now I can actually get some decent sleep like last night."

Kendall chuckled, kissing the top of Carlos' head and nodded in agreement. "I wouldn't mind being your personal pillow. Maybe now _I_ can get some sleep, too."

"Can we please sleep for five more minutes? I'm too comfortable to move."

Kendall moved away from Carlos' grasp only to make Carlos hug tighter. "Carlos, please. I need to take a shower."

"Now is not the time to take care of your boner."

Kendall's mouth gaped. He didn't even realize he had one. "Carlo-"

"I know, I know," Carlos interrupted. "It's the morning. But you just have to get it every morning."

He scoffed. "I apologize for having the raging hormones of a sixteen year old in the morning. It's just been a while since I shared a bed with someone."

"Yeah, me too," Carlos murmured into Kendall's chest.

"What are you talking about? You and Sam broke up, like, yesterday. So you have her to cuddle with. Or had. I haven't had anybody for over 6 months. You had someone for over 3 years. Anyways, you still had someone with you, unlike me."

"But still. The last six months of our relationship felt…fake," Carlos sighed. "She didn't seem like herself, but you know, women's hormones and shit. I was thinking it over the night she broke up with me and she was pushing me away. I don't know why. I thought it was cause I was so busy with the show and tour that she felt like she lost me. But she said it wasn't that. I just want to know the truth, but I'm scared. I want to know but at the same time, I don't."

Carlos sounded like he was close to tears. Kendall played with the Latino's dark hair to calm him down. "Hey, it's going to be okay. Now you're out of that relationship and you'll find someone else better. Someone who will love you just the way you are and never leave you." _Someone like me._

"Yeah. Thank, Kendall. And I hope that guy you're in love with will love you back. I don't like seeing you lonely. I want to see you happy."

"And I want to see _you_ happy. I know it's going to be hard since you spent the last few years with her, but just remember I'll always be there for you and I'm here no matter what."

Carlos' chocolate eyes stared up at Kendall and lightly placed his lips on his chin. "Thank you." He let go of Kendall, leaving the blond speechless and searched for his swim trunks.

He placed his hands on his chin, frozen. _What just happened?_ _Carlos just…kissed me._

Carlos turned around, feeling eyes on him. "What?"

"N-nothing. Uh, I'm going to the bathroom," Kendall stuttered, still dumbfounded.

"Have fun," Carlos said, followed by a wink.

_You little shit._

* * *

The breeze blew against Kendall's face as he inhaled the calming smell of the beach. A perfect day for filming. Squishing his toes in the sand, somebody shoved him from behind making his balance off.

"Race you to the water!" Carlos yelled as he passed Kendall.

He rolled his eyes. The kid in Carlos always came out. It was adorable, but sometimes it was _too_ adorable. Kendall chased after Carlos, watching him run into the water. Chuckling, he stripped his plaid shirt, setting it down on the beach chair. Carlos, of course, didn't care about his tank and was now soaking wet with sea water. Maybe that would give him an excuse to warm Carlos up later on. He grinned at the idea.

"Carlos, get out of the water. I don't want you to drown before we even start shooting."

Both boys turned their heads to see Marc walking towards them. Carlos ran out of the water, smiling wide. "Sorry, boss!"

All four of them gathered around to listen to today's schedule. "Today, we're shooting mainly on the beach and around the area. So we've provided some surfboards and paddle boards for you guys to have fun with and attached cameras to them. Sound good?"

"Woohoo!" They all cheered in unison.

Kendall couldn't help but lick his lips when he stared at Carlos in the wet tank. The way the shirt stuck to his body made Kendall's trunks feel a little tighter. He hated the fact that Carlos started to work out. They were pudge buddies. He also hated how muscular Carlos was getting. It was getting harder and harder not to stare at his smooth, meaty arms or his soon-to-be abs. Kendall was even more frustrated at the fact that Carlos looked like a fucking life guard. His pecs were perfect. His V was perfect. He wanted to touch and put his mouth on every inch of Carlos' perfect body.

"Kendall, are you coming?"

The sound of Logan's voice snapped him out of his fantasy. "Uh, yeah sorry. I was thinking about…something," he mumbled.

"Yeah. Thinking," Logan teased. "Just get grab a surf board and get in the water, horn dog. And hide that bulge, Jesus."

He turned away trying to hide the obvious outline of his dick and the blush on his face. He mentally slapped himself. It was impossible to control himself around Carlos.

After settling down from his "excitement", he felt a little nervous on the paddle boarding. Knowing that he had never paddle boarded before, Carlos offered to teach Kendall how. He liked the idea of that. More time to bond with Carlos. And those girls weren't anywhere near his Carlos so everything was perfect.

Carlos flipped the board on its side bringing it to the water. The muscles on Carlos' arm flexed as he carried the board. Kendall couldn't stop his eyes from drifting up and down his body.

"First, you get on the board and on your knees," Carlos instructed.

Kendall followed exactly what Carlos said trying to keep his balance. He smirked at the "on your knees" part. Wow, he really was a horn dog. But he really liked Carlos' taking control, instructing Kendall to do what he wanted—no right now he needed to concentrate on paddle boarding.

"And when you feel comfortable just hop on to your two feet and keep your balance. Then, you can paddle board!"

It took a few attempts for Kendall to get it, Carlos laughing every time Kendall toppled over into the water, but Carlos had a proud grin for Kendall when he finally got the hang of it. Kendall hopped of the board and jumped in the water, a high five and a hug waiting for him from Carlos. Kendall would be lying if he said he didn't like the contact they had with their bare bodies as they hugged. It might've lasted a little too long, but Carlos didn't make it awkward. He just smiled back at Kendall and hopped on his own board to join the rest of the guys.

Later, a camera man joined them and filmed stupid things they did. It all started with diving in the water from the paddle board and then it went to back flipping. Logan showed off to the camera, everyone rolling their eyes at how cocky he was. Carlos ran down the beach as he spotted a big fallen tree and stood on top of it.

"Kendall, look!" Carlos called out. "I'm taller than you!"

He chuckled. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Remember this moment, Pena. You're not gonna grow any taller."

Carlos wrapped his arms around himself feeling the ocean breeze causing goose bumps to appear on his skin and jumped off the tree. "Fuck, I shouldn't have gone in the ocean with my shirt earlier. Now I have nothing dry to wear or warm me up."

The blonde grabbed his blue plaid shirt and held it behind Carlos who was positioning his arms in the sleeves. Kendall helped the smaller boy button the shirt, but Carlos stopped him half way.

"I gotta look good in the video, not dorky," Carlos said as he undid Kendall's work. "This way, I can show off my abs and it shall be for the fans enjoyment."

"Correction: Soon-to-be abs. Are you sure it's not just for my enjoyment?" Kendall raised an eyebrow suggestively.

"Maybe. Maybe not," Carlos teased.

A grin appeared on each of the boys' face. Kendall wondered if Carlos was enjoying all the flirting as much as he was. But he didn't understand why Carlos teased him back. It killed Kendall every time Carlos held his hand or flirted because to Carlos, it didn't mean anything. But to Kendall, it made his heart flutter every time. The further Kendall pushed Carlos, Carlos pushed back.

"I was thinking," Marc started as he walked over with Logan and James, "that we should do something with this whole tree scene. Like, you guys should try to push each other off and have a little fun."

They all nodded and hopped on the tree. James and Logan seemed pretty easy to knock off. Even though James could most likely beat him at arm wrestling, he didn't have the strategies planned out too well. The shorter brunette gave up in the first five seconds knowing that he was no competition for Kendall. Carlos, on the other hand, was a little bit harder to beat. Maybe it was the way his plaid shirt that was covering the tan shoulders of the Latino. Or maybe it was the way he refused to button the shirt, his pecs and abs visible for Kendall to stare at. But Kendall had to admit, Carlos' workouts were paying off.

"Are you ready to get pummeled, Schmidt?"

Kendall smirked. "The question is, are you ready, Pena?"

"I always am." Carlos lunged at Kendall grabbing his arms and pulling them towards the ground.

Reacting fast, Kendall did the same and took ahold of Carlos' meaty arms. A moan almost escaped his mouth, but he pursed his lips to keep them shut. The bottom lip of Carlos was tugged between his teeth in concentration. He released his bottom lip, giggling at how long it was actually taking for one of them to fall off. A smile cracked onto the blonde's face and shoved Carlos to the side losing his balance, bringing the smaller boy with him. The soft sand padded their landing as both boys fell next to each other, their stomachs hurting from laughing.

As Kendall turned his head to Carlos, he found those beautiful brown orbs staring at him. The moment felt perfect, not awkward, but perfect. Kendall zoned out of everything surrounding him, both boys on their backs, their hair tangled with sand as they looked into each other's eyes. It made Kendall's heart flutter as he watched Carlos' eyes crinkle as he smiled back. There was something between them. Kendall definitely felt it. But as he stared into Carlos' eyes, there was confusion and something else he couldn't figure out.

Someone cleared their throat, their eyes ripping off each other. Kendall glanced up seeing a black figure and the sun beaming behind them. He squinted and noticed Logan smirking down at both of them.

"Marc says we need to shoot at a new location before it gets dark so stop rolling around in the sand like dogs and get going!"

Carlos got up, brushing the sand off his trunks and Kendall's shirt and pulled out a hand to help Kendall up. Frowning, Kendall took Carlos' hand. Why did Logan have to ruin such a perfect moment? Even though Kendall had the urge to just lean in and place his lips on Carlos, he didn't want to make things awkward between him and Carlos. The kiss on his cheek freaked Carlos out enough. If Kendall went for a kiss on the lips, Carlos would never talk to Kendall again. Kendall didn't want that. Kendall never wanted to imagine living his life without his Carlos.

Carlos trailed behind Kendall as they made their way to the car. Chewing on his bottom lip, Carlos thought back at that moment. Okay, it seemed a little gay. But hey, Kendall and Carlos were best friends. Carlos knew that Kendall was just a friend and nothing more. So cuddling and holding hands wasn't meant to be in a more-than-friends way. Logan was the one Kendall loved. Not him. So he had nothing to worry about. It was okay that Kendall was doing all that for Carlos. He just went through a break up and it was just Kendall trying to comfort him.

But that frown on Kendall's face. He didn't like seeing Kendall frown. Carlos didn't want Kendall's face muscles to tire out from frowning cause he always wanted to see the perfect smile Kendall had. But why was Kendall so upset? Oh yeah, because Logan doesn't love him back. All Carlos wanted was to see his best friend happy. And Carlos was the one that's been spending time with Kendall instead of Kendall spending time with Logan. It was all Carlos' fault that Kendall was unhappy. His best friend could've been stealing Logan's heart by now and falling in love with Kendall, but no. It was all Carlos' fault that Kendall never spent time with Logan. Now it was Carlos' turn to frown. He needed to stop distracting Kendall from Logan. Kendall loves Logan and he is going to get Logan no matter what. Even if that meant spending less time with Kendall. Even if that meant not cuddling or holding hands with Kendall at night. Even if that meant sacrificing his happiness for Kendall.

Carlos heard Kendall's laugh mixed with Logan's, their arms around each other's shoulders. Look how happy Kendall looks with Logan. It was for the best if Carlos left them alone with each other.

A heavy sigh came from Carlos as he made his way to the car. Kendall asked if he was okay, Carlos forcing a smile on his face and shook his head when asked to drive. He needed to think.

Furrowing his eyebrows, Kendall stared at Carlos and then back at the road. "If you chew your lip any harder, you're going to start tasting some blood," Kendall commented.

Kendall's eyebrow cocked up when he heard Carlos humming, questioning what he just said. "Man, you must really be thinking about something."

"Yeah. There's just a lot going on in my mind right now."

_Fuck. _Kendall started to panic. What if it was what happened on the beach? Was that too much for Carlos? But Carlos didn't run away or freak out. He was thinking. Oh god. Carlos always overthought everything. What if Carlos figured out what Kendall felt about him? No, that couldn't happen. He needed Carlos. Carlos needed him. What if Carlos felt something for Kendall? What if something was actually there? Love had been so intangible for Carlos and him and maybe finally it might actually happen?

Pushing all the question out of his mind, Kendall concentrated on driving the car instead of crashing off these cliffs to get rid of his confusion.

When they arrived, the laughter of girls made Kendall's ears perk up. He groaned, rubbing his hands up and down his face ready to put on his "straight" persona. His heart broke a little as he watched Carlos running up to the blonde girl that never left his side. Carlos was leaving him for a girl? The blonde kissed Carlos on the cheek, Carlos' cheeks heating up and turning red. Kendall growls in anger. Only he could make Carlos blush. Only he could kiss Carlos on the cheek. This bitch needed to back off of his Carlos.

It frightened Kendall how possessive he was about Carlos. And Carlos wasn't even his. But for the rest of the evening they would be swimming near a waterfall. _A waterfall._ _How romantic._ This morning, Kendall thought this day would be paradise, just spending all day with Carlos. Having their first kiss under a waterfall would be romantic as fuck.

Logan seemed to have noticed Kendall's rage and suggested, "Maybe next time you should ask for hot guys in the video. Carlos might have a jealous side, you know."

Kendall scoffed. "Yeah right. If he was jealous, then he would be knocking the teeth out of your jaw right now. Just that girl talking to him makes me want to slap her."

Kendall's gaze stayed on Carlos, Logan frowning. "Why don't you hang out with me? Get your mind off Carlos for a little bit. And see if he actually is jealous. Plus, we haven't had any bro time together lately."

Chuckling at Logan's "bro time" reason, Kendall nodded his head in agreement. Maybe he should just hang out with Logan. Carlos was pissing Kendall off and he needed to cool off and get away.

Surprisingly, Logan did take Kendall's mind off Carlos. Kendall always appreciated it when Logan would sacrifice whatever he was doing just to make Kendall feel better. Logan made him smile when he frowned or laugh when he cried. It was like he was Carlos and Logan was his Kendall.

It felt uncomfortable for Kendall to watch the sunset by himself. He was so used to Carlos watching with him, his head placed comfortably on the blonde's shoulder. But now Carlos was watching the sunset with another blonde, her head placed on his shoulder. His heart cracked a little more. Carlos had replaced him. It hurt. It hurt a lot.

A hand was placed on his shoulder. Kendall glanced back to see Logan offering him a smile. "The bonfire scene is starting soon. There's going to be fire and a tarp slide for us. So make turn that frown upside down!"

Kendall rolled his eyes at the lame cliché. "Okay, okay. It's just hard to see that Carlos replaced me."

"What? No. Carlos would never replace you. He loves you too much."

"But it just seems like he doesn't want to be around me after that 'moment' we had at the beach which you rudely interrupted. He's pushing me away and I don't want that to happen. I wanted to get closer to him, but instead I'm doing the opposite. "

"Oops! Sorry, Kendall. I didn't know. Maybe he just needs some space. Just give him some time. I guarantee you he'll be back to normal by tomorrow morning."

"Yeah. He's just a little out of it. That's what happened when I kissed him on the cheek."

"Alright," Logan patted Kendall on the shoulder. "Let's just get ready to party at a fucking bonfire in Hawaii! It's going to be fun and I don't want you to suck out my happiness by seeing you sad."

A smiled appeared on Kendall's face. "Fine. And thanks for talking it out with me. I think I would've shot myself if you didn't put some logic in my head."

Chuckling, Logan embraced Kendall with a hug. "Anytime, man."

The shorter boy sighed into the hug, wanting that feeling forever. No, Kendall loves Carlos. What was he thinking asking Kendall to hang out with him? His plan was for Carlos to spend more time with Kendall. His subconscious wanted Kendall. He wanted Kendall to love him back. But it would never happen. So why get your hopes up on something that will never happen?

They ran to the bonfire, sand kicking up behind them with the sky turning into night.

Logan was right. The bonfire was a blast. Other than seeing Carlos with that ratchet, Kendall enjoyed everything about it. The dancing, the music and the tarp slide, especially. He couldn't help but shake his head and laugh while Carlos ran down and slid on the tarp while holding two flaming torches ready to burn off both his eyebrows.

Kendall had actually never seen Logan party like this before. It became obvious that Logan was completely shit faced with some Hawaiian drink he had been chugging down the entire night, shot after shot. The brunette had his shirt off, the girls whistling at his confidence while he back flipped on the sand. Logan was singing to the camera carelessly, his hair slightly falling to his face but he played it off as nothing, flipping his hair out of his face. Everybody couldn't wait until they saw the actual footage of shitfaced Logan in the music video. Kendall knew he would be making fun of Logan getting completely drunk while he was 'working', plus it was on film.

The time passed midnight and the party died down. Some of the cast left while the rest chilled near the beach. Kendall yawned, taking a deep breath of the ocean air ready to pass out.

From a few feet away, he heard Carlos giggle. Like, a flirty giggle. Forcing himself glance over at the scene, he kept his concentration somewhere else. But soon, his curiosity won and he had to sneak a peek. He slightly glanced over at the Latino's direction, his eyes feeling moist. Carlos was practically shoving his tongue down the bitch's throat. Maybe it was the fact that he was drunk, but still! His green eyes rimmed with tears, reading to spill down his face. He didn't know what to do. He felt his chest in pain like someone stabbed a big knife in his heart. Carlos stabbed the knife in his heart and ripped it out.

He let out a sob, Carlos breaking the make out session to see where it came from. Kendall's vision was blurred with tears, but he knew Carlos saw him. He ran the opposite direction, wanting to get away from Carlos. Even with the screams of Carlos calling out his name, he kept running. Why did Carlos have to be so oblivious? Didn't he see that Kendall felt something for the smaller boy? All that cuddling and hand holding and cheek kissing. That all meant so much to Kendall but nothing for Carlos. He had fallen deeper in love with Carlos. And seeing that all meant nothing to Carlos punctured Kendall's heart and opened it up even wider.

Kendall didn't know where else to go but to go to Logan. He ran to the drunken boy and held onto him. He just needed someone to cry on. The blonde's wet tears fell onto Logan's shoulders. Logan was too drunk and confused to know what was happening, but Kendall was sad and Logan needed to fix it.

Logan shushed Kendall, running his fingers through his hair as his tears stained his shoulder trying to calm down the taller boy. "Hey, wha-what happened?"

Kendall smiled a little at Logan's struggle to even speak correctly, but it disappeared as fast as it appeared. "I just lost it. Carlos was making out with that girl and I thought maybe he felt something back for me. But he clearly doesn't since they're mouths fucking right now."

"Kendall, it's ok-okay. Carlos just doesn't see how much lo-love you can offer him and he's stupid for not noticing. But I know one per-person that will never do that to you or break your heart like Carlos did and love you more than anyone ever will."

"Wow, for a drunk you're really inspiring," Kendall murmured. "And who?"

As Logan took Kendall's face with both hands, he wiped away the hot tears on the blonde's cheek. "Me."

Logan leaned up, his eyes fluttering shut. Kendall didn't understand why he did it, but their lips pulled together and met. Logan's mind was going 1000 miles a second. He was finally kissing that someone he was in love with for so many years. Even though he was drunk, he knew he was going to remember this moment forever. The brunette felt the soft lips of Kendall move with his, hoping this moment would last longer. Logan pulled Kendall closer by grabbing the slim waist and pressing against his own.

Out of breath, Carlos caught up to Kendall and eyes widened as he witnessed his two best friends kissing. Nothing came out of Carlos mouth, feeling as though there was something stuck in his throat. Was it shock? Or jealousy? Or happiness? Carlos didn't know what he was feeling. Everything was just happening so fast. He didn't know how to react. This morning he was confused about what he was feeling with Kendall and now he was even more confused. There were feelings that were coming to the surface and he just didn't know what they were. But Carlos felt that it had to be happiness. Kendall finally got who he loved. Or maybe it was jealousy…

_so...what do you think? :)_


	5. Confusion

_Hm. My chapters are getting longer and longer, haha. But yeah I hope you enjoy this chapter cause you're not getting another one for two weeks :P_

Carlos' chest tightened, feeling like something blocked his airway. He tried taking in deep breathes, but the oxygen refused to flow. A hand went to his chest and clutched it. He couldn't watch this. He had to leave.

As he walked away from the scene, breathing became easier for Carlos. His dark eyebrows furrowed, confusion hitting him like a truck. Did he just have a panic attack? About what? All he saw was Logan and Kendall kissing. No big deal. Well, it was a big deal for Kendall. He finally got what he wanted. Carlos should be happy for him. But what he was feeling wasn't rejoice or happiness. It felt wrong. The Latino didn't want to feel this. What he wanted to feel was a sense of bliss, joy or content, not betrayal, sorrow or _pain._

But all he wanted to know was where they came from, where they originated from.

This all seemed too familiar to Carlos. His heart was broken. Again. All in one week. Who had broken his heart? He didn't know.

Looking down as his clenched fist, Carlos was surprised at the position they were in and released the tension in his hands. Why was he angry? He felt like he wanted to punch Logan. But _why?_

The Latino sighed in frustration, gripping tight to the steering wheel as he drove back to the hotel. All he needed were answers. Answers to all the questions that crammed in his head.

He walked past the hotel doors, ready to sleep off the emotional roller coaster he was on. Reaching for the key card to his and Kendall's room, his phone in his back pocket buzzed, making him jump as he slipped the key card in the door. As he opened the door, he reached in his back pocket not wanting to talk to anyone at the moment. His mind was too damn worn out.

Thinking it was one of the guys wondering where he went, he clicked the button on the top of his iPhone and stripped Kendall's shirt and his swim trunks off ready to take a shower. His phone rang again. _What did they want?_

Carlos answered the phone, spitting out an irritated "what".

There was silence on the other side of the phone.

"Hello?" Carlos whispered into the phone, confused when he still heard nothing.

"Carlos, please."

It was a girl's voice. Sam's voice.

* * *

It all happened so fast. All Kendall remembered was his face buried into Logan's shoulder, sobbing uncontrollable. Then, their lips were moving together. He missed this feeling. He missed the feeling of being wanted and loved. When those three words escaped from Logan's lips, everything stopped. And then they were kissing. Kendall lips tasted the alcohol on Logan's lips and felt Logan hum, the vibration passed onto the blonde's lips. When Logan took Kendall's face, the brunette pulled the taller boy's lips closer to his, sucking on his bottom lip. Kendall couldn't help but moan into the smaller boy's lips. This felt _so good_. Kissing someone that wanted you and loved you.

He felt hands wrap around his waist pulling their bodies closer. Logan moaned loudly at the friction created between their torsos. He could have this with Carlos. Kissing those soft lips of Carlos and hearing Carlos moan because of the things Kendall did to him. But this wasn't Carlos. It was Logan.

Kendall's eyes widened as he came back to reality. Logan _loved him_. He pulled away from the kiss, Logan's hands roamed around Kendall's body wanting more.

"Logan, stop. We have to stop," Kendall whispered, grabbing onto Logan's hands that were undoing his swim trunks.

"You're right. We'll finish this at the hotel," His words were slurred as he took Kendall's hands that were wrapped around his wrists, dragging him to the car.

Kendall pulled back, Logan turning around in confusion. "No, Logan. I mean stop as in 'we can't do this' stop," Kendall swallowed thickly. "Look. I love you, but only as best friends. I don't know what brought this on. Maybe cause you're drunk, I don't know. But I do know that I love Carlos and no one else."

The brown eyes of the brunette pleaded. "Kendall, you don't understand. I've loved you for so many years. Give me a chance. I can love you more than Carlos can ever love you. Please. Kissing you has been the best thing I've felt in a long time and I want more. Love me back, Kendall."

A sad smile manifested on the taller boy's face, softly chuckling at how slurred Logan's words were, but at the same time he felt like an ass rejecting Logan. "I'm in love with Carlos and nothing is going to change that. I'm sorry."

Logan kicked the sand in anger. "Carlos doesn't love you. I do. He's been breaking your heart and I see it every single day. He's hurting you, Kendall. I would never hurt you. I swear to God I will love you for the rest of your life, make you happy and do whatever it takes for you to love me back."

Maybe Logan was right. Carlos has been hurting him. Carlos doesn't love him back. Kendall hated himself for falling in love with Carlos in the first place because there could never be a fairy tale ending in this story. Carlos could never just miraculously turn gay and love Kendall. Logan was there for him every time he needed someone to cry on.

But he didn't love Logan. He should be lucky that someone as sweet as Logan would take care of him and love him no matter what, but he already fell too deep in love with Carlos. Sure, Logan always seemed attractive to Kendall, but they were only friends and nothing more. Kinda like how Carlos was with Kendall. Air filled into Kendall's lungs as he took a deep breath, realizing how fucked up everything was. Logan loved Kendall, Kendall didn't love Logan back. Kendall loved Carlos, but Carlos didn't love Kendall back. And Carlos loved Sam, but Sam didn't love Carlos back. James was the lucky son of a bitch.

Releasing a long sigh, Kendall replied, "Logan. I know exactly how you feel and yeah, it sucks. But I can't just fall in love with you. These things take time. You'll find someone who'll love you more than I do and he'll be even more perfect for you than I am. I want you to move on and be happy because my heart belongs to Carlos."

Tears rimmed Logan's eyes. "You're such a fucking hypocrite, you know that? You're the one that's been sobbing over Carlos for so long and now _you _want _me_ to move on? You should've been the one who moved on. And you would've moved on to me. And you would've loved me. And we both wouldn't be here suffering right now. It's all your fault. It's all your fault!"

Kendall back away slowly. Logan was screaming now. "Hey, calm down. You're drunk and you're not thinking this through correctly. Let's just talk this out tomorrow morning, okay?"

Both of Logan's hands came up to his face and the brunette sobbed loudly into his hands. All of his emotions poured out with his tears. Kendall ran up to Logan, rubbing his back and put his long arms around him for comfort. Pushing Kendall away, Logan threw up all of the alcohol he consumed on the sand, feeling weak and falling into Kendall's arms. Disgusted, Kendall dragged Logan to the car away from the pile of puke and the horrid smell that had accumulated in the air around them.

Buckling Logan's seatbelt, the smaller boy passed out in the passenger seat with his mouth hanging open, his cheeks still stained with tears. Kendall started the engine, sighing at everything that's happened in the past day and drove back to the hotel in silence.

* * *

His heart stopped. Why was she calling him? Carlos nearly dropped his phone, managing to grasp onto his phone tighter. Not knowing what to say, he sat there in silence contemplating if he should say anything to her. She broke his heart. She was over him. There was no reason for her to call back.

"Carlos, please say something," Sam pleaded on the other side of the phone.

His jaw opened to say something, but nothing came out.

"Carlos, I'm so sorry I hurt you. I just- "

"You didn't just hurt me," Carlos whimpered. "You broke my heart. All you said was that it was over and that was it. Nothing else. I thought and thought and thought about what I did wrong because I still loved you. You caused me so much pain."

He heard a sigh. "Babe, I don't know what I was thinking. These past days have been the worst days of my life without you. You made me so happy. And I miss you. I still love you."

Carlos didn't want to believe it. _She doesn't deserve you. You'll find someone better. _He repeated the words Kendall whispered to him every time Carlos came crying to him.

"Then why did you end it? Why?" Carlos didn't realize how much pain he was in until he felt something wet fell on his hand. They were his tears.

"I…I cheated on you. I have been for a few months and I felt guilty about it so I had to end it. All of the touring and all of the time you spent filming the show made me feel like you didn't love me anymore."

Guilt hit him. It was all his fault Sam broke up with him. He didn't show how much he really loved her enough. "I'm so sorry, baby. And I still love you, too. It's all my fault. I should've spent more time with you. What was I thinking?"

Sam's voice changed into an elated one. "I forgive you. Don't be too hard on yourself. So we're back together?"

"Of course, baby," Carlos replied, his voice as high as hers in excitement.

"Yay!" Sam squealed. "I can't wait till you get back and then I get to see you after 4 long and lonely days."

"Me too, babe," Carlos' ears perked when he heard a knock on the door. "Hey, I gotta go. Someone's knocking on the door. I'll call you tomorrow morning. I love you."

"Mhm. Bye!"

She hung up quickly leaving Carlos puzzled, shrugging it off and walked towards the door. Standing on his tippy toes to peep through the hole, he saw Kendall holding an extremely drunk Logan struggling to keep him on his feet.

Logan wailed out something about Kendall hating him and a shush came from the blonde telling him he'll wake someone up. Kendall glanced up at Carlos when the door opened, avoiding eye contact. He wasn't ready to forgive Carlos for making out with some girl he recently met. That shattered his heart. It caused so much pain he didn't even want to look at Carlos, afraid that he would crumble into tears from his mixed emotions.

Kendall dragged Logan into the room and propped him up on the bed. Logan's face fell onto the taller boy's shoulder about to fall asleep.

"He's a little drunk as you can see," Kendall murmured. "I'm gonna wait until James gets back and then shit faced Logan can sleep in his own bed."

Carlos' lips formed a thin line and nodded. He watched how well Kendall took care of Logan and how happy Kendall's face looked when Logan yawned against Kendall's shoulders. The taller boy tucked in the brunette and placed a chaste kiss on his head. Carlos' heart twitched. He looked towards the ground to avoid seeing anything else.

They were so in love. Kendall got what he wanted. When was Carlos going to get what he wanted? The Latino shook his head as he remembered Sam. He had Sam again. He didn't want anything else. But something was missing. Of course he felt happy that the girl that he has been heartbroken over took him back, but he wasn't completely happy. His heart still ached for something. Someone.

Looking over at Carlos, Kendall smirked at him as he observed the way Carlos looked around the room awkwardly. Carlos needed to suffer. Carlos needed to feel the jealousy he felt when Carlos left him for that slut. Guilt hit him because he didn't want to hurt Carlos. But at the same time, he did, just so he could feel what Kendall felt.

Kendall yawned, stretching his long arms in the air and stood up. Carlos watched Kendall walk past him without a word towards the bathroom they shared.

"Dude, are you okay?" Carlos asked wondering why Kendall kept avoiding him.

Kendall's responded with silence, confirming Carlos' thoughts that the other boy was mad at him.

"Kendall, talk to me. Please," Carlos pleaded.

More silence. Kendall moved to his suitcase and picked out his pajamas, still ignoring the smaller boy. Kendall heard the desperation in Carlos' voice, but he still kept silent. Not that he didn't want to respond, he also didn't have anything to say to Carlos. Everything was jumbled up in his brain and needed to be sorted out.

As Carlos chewed on his bottom lip, he began to worry that he did something wrong. "KENDALL!" Carlos screamed.

The blonde flinched, Carlos' voice echoing throughout the room. Logan stirred in his bed and moaned. Both head turned to Logan, checking on him to see if he was doing okay. Carlos turned his head back to Kendall direction watching Kendall's gaze stay on Logan. It slowly moved to Carlos and Carlos could see the anger in Kendall's eyes as they made eye contact.

Turning back to his suitcase, he growled in frustration from not finding his pajama bottom and turned back to the bathroom.

Carlos moved his feet quickly, standing in front of Kendall and blocked the entrance to the bathroom.

"Move. Out. Of. The. Way." Kendall emphasized every word with his teeth gritted together.

"Not until you tell me why you keep ignoring me."

Kendall looked at the floor and noticed his pajama pants on Carlos. He sighed, clenching his eyes together. Carlos did so many things to him that tossed his emotions around. And all of that meant nothing. So why should he not ignore Carlos?

"I said. Move." Kendall glared into Carlos' eyes and balled up his fist, ready to punch him at any time. His nails dug into his palm. He was sick and tired of these games and wanted them to stop. But Kendall had fallen for Carlos and there was no going back.

"Please, Kendall. Why are you so angry at me? Please tell me?"

Kendall shook his head and turned around. Carlos grabbed onto Kendall's hand and pulled him back towards Kendall.

"What?!" Kendall jerked his hand away from Carlos'. "What do you want from me? You don't need me! I don't need you! I can't do this anymore, Carlos!"

"What are you talking about? Do what anymore? And I do need you, Kendall! You're my best friend and I love you!"

_I love you._

"You can't just throw around that word!"

"What word?"

A tear fell down Kendall's cheeks. He wished he hadn't fallen in love with Carlos. It was so hard to say everything he wanted to say that was all in his head, but his heart felt something different. His heart needed Carlos, but his head told him he should move on because there was no chance Carlos would love him back. Kendall has been suffering so long and the solution was moving on to stop dwelling in his pain. His heart couldn't move on. His heart wanted the shorter boy and his cheeky smile and his cute laugh and his sexy voice when he sang. But he didn't want to suffer anymore. He didn't want to hurt anymore.

"You left me."

Falling to his knees, Kendall broke down with more tears staining his cheeks. He brought his hands to his face and sobbed loudly, his hands muffling the noise. Shorter arms wrapped around Kendall's frame. Kendall wanted to push Carlos away, but he couldn't. This was the feeling he needed. Comfort. Compassion. Love.

Leaning into Carlos' chest, he buried his face into the Latino's shirt soaking it with tears and muffling the frustrated cries. Carlos rubbed Kendall's arms up and down, comforting him with little whispers of "it's okay" and "I'm sorry".

It wasn't okay. Everything wasn't okay.

"We should go to bed before we disrupt sleeping beauty aka Logan."

This is why Kendall fell in love with Carlos. Because he could make Kendall smile despite everything that went on in his head. Then, why was he experiencing so much pain? Carlos caused Kendall tears and happiness. At the end of the day, it was always sadness because the happiness wasn't everlasting. It could only go on for so long until Carlos got another girlfriend. Until he fell in love with someone else. Someone that wasn't Kendall. So this would always be a no win situation.

The blonde lifted his head out of the grasp of the smaller boy and trudged towards the bed and flipped the covers of, climbing into the soft mattress. Small sniffles and uneasy breathing mixed in with Logan's obnoxious snoring. Carlos contemplated whether he should stay or leave. Kendall needed comfort, but at the same time he needed space.

"Do you need me to –"

"No," interrupted Kendall. He knew exactly what Carlos was asking. It involved cuddling and yes, Kendall craved it. But, it would hinder him from moving on.

The response was so immediate it took Carlos back. Kendall rejected cuddling. His pillow rejected Carlos' favorite thing to do with Kendall. By the time Kendall fell asleep, Carlos had already left the hotel room, tossing and turning in Logan's bed.

The three words that Kendall said repeated itself in Carlos' head. _You left me. _The Latino couldn't understand why Kendall said that. Carlos left him alone with Logan so they would fall in love with each other. And so that happened. There shouldn't be a reason why Kendall should be upset with him. Carlos did him a favor. Kendall should be thanking him instead of being angry at him. Also, Kendall should've been happy that he finally got Logan. What more does Kendall need to be satisfied?

All this thinking tired his brain out and emotionally draining. Sleep eventually took over, but it didn't stay long enough.

* * *

"Either you shaved off all your hair last night or this isn't Logan."

Sunlight attacked Carlos' eyes causing him to groan. He definitely didn't get enough sleep last night. Turning over, he saw a giant brunette staring down at him.

"Oh, good morning Carlos! I thought you were Logan. From the amount of alcohol he drank, I would've believed he Britney Speared his hair off."

Carlos chuckled and got out of bed bringing his arms above his head and stretched, the tiredness finally hitting him. "Good morning to you, too. I just can't wait to see how hung over Logan gets."

"By the way, why are you Logan's bed? And why did all of you guys run off so quickly? I almost didn't have a ride to the hotel."

"Sorry, James. And it's a long story. Maybe when I actually wake up I can answer all of your questions."

"Sweet. I'll meet you guys at the free breakfast buffet!" James skipped off happily while Carlos rolled his eyes and headed for Kendall's room to get ready.

* * *

Pain shot into Logan's head as he opened his eyes. Everything hurts. He cursed himself for drinking the amount of alcohol he did. But hey, at least he knew how to have a good time. If only he could remember how good of a time he had…

Bringing his hands to his splintering headache, he looked around noticing the unfamiliar environment. This wasn't his room. Did a stranger take him home last night? Relief fell upon him when he heard the snoring of the blonde beside him. The brunette quietly found his room key still in his pocket and headed for his room to get ready.

As he walked down the hallway, his eyes squinted at the light that illuminated the hotel and at the shorter figure that was approaching him.

"Hey, buddy! How are you feeling?" Carlos greeted.

Logan's head pounded at every word Carlos said. Well, more like yelled. "Shhh. Please speak quietly before I stick my head in a guillotine so my brain will stop throbbing."

Carlos laughed quietly and gave Logan a pat on the back. "James is downstairs probably making you some coffee right now so hurry up and get ready."

Logan nodded and hurried to his room. Coffee sounded extremely delicious and helpful right now. After a shower and fresh clothes, Logan felt much better, but the headache still resided. As he took the elevator to the lobby, Logan attempted to recall the events that happened last night.

James cocked his head up when he spotted Logan, lifting a hand to catch his attention. The long haired brunette greeted Logan with a smile and wiggled his eyes suggestively. "So I see you weren't in your bed last night. I insinuated that you got a girl so how was it?"

The smaller brunette rolled his eyes at James' question. "I didn't go home with a girl, asshole. I don't even remember going home. Guess I was so wasted I blacked out. I woke up in Kendall's room so I assumed he brought me ho-"

A flashback of what happened last night interrupted his thought. It wasn't clear, but he remembered the taste of Kendall's lips and the way they felt against his. He also remembered Kendall rejecting him and telling him he didn't love him back. Then, there was the sob fest on Kendall while confessing his love. Mentally slapping himself, he slammed his head on the table severals times repeating the night over and over again.

"I'm so fucking stupid, James. I'm. So. Stupid."

A hand padded Logan's forehead before it hit the table. "What did you do? Fuck a dog?"

Logan glared at James wishing he would stop fooling around and be serious for once. "No. I did something I would never do if I wasn't drunk and it could possibly…no most likely ruin my friendship with Kendall."

"Is it fixable? What terrible thing did you do to Kendall?"

Chewing the inside of his cheek, Logan considered telling James about the way he felt about Kendall, but what if James freaked out because what he did could possibly result in the band ending. "I might've told Kendall that I love him and I didn't mean to. I mean, if I wasn't so drunk and blacked out I wouldn't have said a thing and just gone on with my life wishing Kendall would feel the same way but now everything is ruined and he's gonna hate me and never speak to me or look at me or want to be within ten feet of me which means the band is gonna end and I'm gonna end up being homeless and poor for the rest of my life because I don't have a job and-"

"Woah there, buddy," James held out a hand in front of Logan's face. "Slow down and let me soak in all this information."

Logan nodded and bit his lip. James wouldn't be weirded out if he was gay, right? Or that he has feelings for Kendall?

"Okay, so first off you're gay," James raised an eyebrow. "Wow. I thought you were the straightest person on this planet. I swear to God, I would've never guessed."

The drumming of Logan's fingers on the table filled the awkward silence as he watched James processing the thought. He took a sip of his coffee, waking him up fully and helping his headache out a bit.

"Secondly, you love Kendall. Wow. That explains a lot. That explains the fans and their whole obsession over Kogan. Jesus Christ. I thought the fans were fucking crazy, but they figured you guys out. Wow."

"Stop saying 'wow'. And they are wrong because Kendall doesn't love me back."

James' placed a hand on Logan's arm, rubbing it up and down for comfort. "I'm sorry, man. Sometimes shit happens, but you gotta move on. You'll find someone that'll love you back and take care of you one day. And Kendall would never hate you. You're one of his best friends. He would hate himself if he ever hated you. You're just thinking about this too much. Today, everything's gonna be normal. He'll understand that you were drunk and you didn't mean to tell him. Maybe he'll think that you we're so drunk you we're just telling him bullshit."

Logan hummed in agreement, but realized something else. "But I kissed him. That just confirms that I really did love him. I'm so fucked, James. Why am I so goddamn stupid? Everything's gonna be weird and it's never gonna be normal."

"Jesus, Logan. You really went for it, huh?" James' laughed and Logan pushed his arm forcefully.

"James! I'm being serious! I ruined my friendship with Kendall and I didn't want that to happen. What do I do?"

"Just talk to him. Figure out what he feels about it. And then you guys will just fine. Nothing can separate you guys, trust me."

Shrugging, Logan sighed. "Thanks, James. Praying and crossing my fingers that everything will be fine."

"It will be, okay? Now. Let's go get's some food, cause I'm starving!"

* * *

Carlos entered the room as quietly as possible hoping Kendall was still asleep so he would have time to form his thoughts and what he was going to say to Kendall. Kendall's eyes were swollen and his hair was frazzled with his body tangled with the sheets. Carlos couldn't help but feel guilty that he was the reason why Kendall cried so much last night. A shower sounded nice to Carlos at the time and headed for the bathroom.

The sound of someone singing crept into Kendall's dream and woke up to the familiar voice. It was Carlos. He groaned at the RENT song that echoed in the bathroom mixed in with the roaring of the water. From the amount of times Carlos belted the song out in the shower, Kendall even knew the song from start to finish. A smile appeared on Kendall's face subconsciously as he heard the perfect vibrato of the Latino. It soon disappeared when the memory and pain of last night crept in his mind. Right now, he was supposed to be mad at Carlos. Not smiling over how cute he was in the shower. Today would be hell with not only Carlos, but Logan. Was Logan mad at Kendall for telling him that he didn't love him back? Well, he seemed pretty pissed off with the screaming and yelling last night. Kendall rubbed his eyes as he sighed. All this drama made his life seem more like a soap opera than reality.

As he got out of the shower, Carlos cursed himself for forgetting his towel. He ran out of the bathroom on his tiptoes to avoid disturbing Kendall. Instead, he found the blonde gaping at the site of him naked. Covering his valuables up, Carlos ran for his towel and wrapped it around his waist.

Kendall quickly turned the other direction when his eyes "accidentally" drifted off to the area between Carlos' legs. Sure, he'd seen Carlos naked plenty of times, but that was before feelings had been developed for the Latino. After that, Kendall could never take the chance of seeing Carlos naked or he'd be risking his self control. This time, Kendall surprised himself at the fact that he didn't just attack Carlos then and there. The way the water droplets fell off his muscular and toned arms or the way his thighs were smooth as a babies butt and just between those thighs was the hottest looking-no. Why was his mind drifting to those thoughts? He was currently mad at Carlos and hated his guts. Even though he was irresistible, he shouldn't let himself think like that. Carlos wasn't his. Before, Kendall felt proud that he took the first step to moving on from Carlos by refusing to sleep in the same bed with Carlos. But this, _this _was two steps back.

"Sorry," Carlos squeaked and rummaged through his suitcase for an outfit.

"It's okay," Kendall mumbled, his eyes still shut tight and his body facing away from Carlos.

Once the Latino change, he straightened himself out in front of the mirror. "You can look now."

Kendall opened one eye to peek if Carlos was lying or not. Opening both eyes, he still avoided eye contact with Carlos, looking everywhere but the smaller boy.

A long sigh escaped from Carlos mouth. "Dude, are you still mad at me for something I'm not even aware of? If you would just talk to me and tell me what's going on, then maybe I can fix it. I don't want you to be mad at me and ignoring my existence. Just please, talk to me."

Kendall gave in. Carlos' voice sounded so hurt and confused. He looked into Carlos' eyes, his heart fluttering at the dark brown orbs he missed getting lost in. "Carlos. I just…I'm angry because I felt like you betrayed me. The whole time yesterday, I wanted to spend the entire day with you because you're my best friend. But instead, you blow me off for some blonde bitch that you barely know and decide to mouth fuck her. It hurts to know that she was more important than me."

Carlos walked towards Kendall and wrapped his arms around the taller boy's thin waist. "No no no no. You're always #1 in my book. I don't know what got into me yesterday. I thought maybe you wanted to spend some time with someone else other than me and have fun. I didn't want to be in the way of you having a good time on this vacation. I mean workcation."

"Carlos, oh my god," Kendall smiled into the Latino's short hair and hugged Carlos back. "Why wouldn't I want to spend time with someone who says things like 'workcation'."

The grip on Kendall's waist tightened. "So does that mean you forgive me for being such an inconsiderate asshole? And I'm sorry. Today I'll spend extra time with you to make it up to you."

Of course Kendall was going to forgive Carlos. Who could stay mad at that little shit? "Yes, I forgive you. And I was the one being an inconsiderate asshole for not communicating with you. I guess I was so jealous I couldn't think straight."

Carlos pulled away and smirked up at Kendall. "Ooooh. You were jealous of her spending time with me?"

Rolling his eyes, Kendall scoffed. "Please, why would I be jealous of her. Clearly, I'm the better looking blonde."

"Of course. I'm just happy things are back to normal between us. Maybe we can even cuddle tonight. I had the worst sleep of my life because my pillow starting PMSing like a bitch last night."

Kendall didn't have the will power this time to push Carlos away. He knew he needed to move on, but one more night of cuddling wouldn't hurt, right? "Hey, I was genuinely upset, but I'm glad things are okay now. This trip, for me, felt like the best way to spend time with you and make you feel better because of you and Sam. And being mad at you would't have helped you. "

"Yeah. And uh, speaking of Sam. I have something to tell you and I don't want you to get mad at me or anything."

Eager to find out what it was Carlos was so nervous to tell Kendall about, Kendall started to worry because they broke eye contact and Carlos stared as his feet. This was definitely bad news.

"Last night, Sam called me."

"Oh god. What did she want?"

"Um. Well, she called to tell me that she misses me and she still loves me."

Kendall scoffed. "Yeah right. Then why did she leave you in the first place?"

"Well, um, because she cheated and she felt guilty about it, but then she realized that she should've just told me the truth instead of pushing me away."

"I bet you hung up on her from her lame excuses. There is no way you believed that fake bullshit."

Carlos chewed on his bottom lip, not wanting to tell Kendall the "best" part of the news. "I, um, took her back so now we're together again." Carlos laughed nervously, playing with the back of his neck.

"_What._"

_aha ;) x._


	6. Letting Go

_Sorry this is a short chapter. Next week it's probably gonna be short too since PSATs are coming up. But I hope you guys will enjoy this chapter and thanks for all the reviews :*_

"Kendall, are you okay?"

No. He wasn't. How could Carlos do this to him? He already hated Sam for taking his Carlos away from him in the first place and then she breaks up with him, also breaking his heart. And now she wants to take him back? Bull shit. Sam already broke his heart once and she would only do it again. Just when Kendall thought he was getting somewhere with Carlos, things always went downhill.

"Kendall?"

The blonde took his time to process the dreadful news that Carlos just told him.

"Kendall, talk to me. I don't like it when you don't talk to me."

"Why should I? You know what they say. If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all," Kendall hissed through his teeth. And it was true. He had nothing good to say. Plus, he didn't want to hurt Carlos' feelings. Carlos still loved Sam. But why did she get a second chance when Kendall didn't even get his first? Kendall wanted to shake some sense into that boy and scream at him saying that he can find someone better than her. Anyone would be better than her. Just once, Kendall wanted his chance with Carlos, his chance to sweep him off his feet and steal his heart. Just once.

Carlos frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Carlos," Kendall sighed loudly, frowning with the smaller boy. "She's not right for you."

"And why do you say that? I'm the one that's been in a relationship for three years with her. She _is _the right one for me."

"But she cheated on you! People who are in relationships aren't suppose to cheat!"

"She just made a mistake, Kendall. Everybody makes mistakes. And I forgave her. I trust her enough to know that she won't do it again."

What will it take to get through his thick skull? "That's what you thought when you loved her. That she would never cheat on you. And oh look! She did! And she will again!"

"Kendall, why are you getting so fed up about this? It's none of your business!"

"Yes it is!" Kendall screamed, his voice bouncing off the walls of the hotel room. "It is my business because I care about you, Litos. I don't want to see you get hurt again. I can't see you get hurt again." His voice became a soft whisper, his eyes pleading for Carlos to trust him.

The shorter boy's eyelids fell, his shoulders moving up as he took in a breath. "Just forget it."

Forget? How can he forget? Carlos was once again out of his grasp and taken away from him. The first time caused enough pain. And to know that he got closer to Carlos' heart and his progress taken away from him broke Kendall even more. "No, Carlos. I really think you should think this through more. Sometimes you have to move on and I think you should."

"Why won't you let me be happy, Kendall? I love her."

That tore Kendall apart. He thought he was making Carlos happy. All this time it meant nothing for Carlos. Kendall made him smile and laugh and feel happiness, right? Why couldn't he see that? What a waste of time, feelings, emotions, everything. Maybe he should let Carlos go. Carlos would never see anything in Kendall. It was time.

"Fine. Be with her. But just know that she is the luckiest person on earth to have someone like you. It's hard to find someone that has as much compassion and love as you and you have an infinite amount of both. You deserve all the happiness in the world and I hope you find it. I...I love you."

Carlos grinned and pulled Kendall in for a tight hug. "Thanks. And I love you too, buddy."

Kendall's heart dropped in his chest. It meant nothing. Kendall meant those words and to Carlos, it was nothing but a phrase. For the first time, he said those words to Carlos hoping it would change Carlos' mind from making a huge mistake. But it didn't. He wished Carlos would see how much Kendall truly loved him and how much he meant those words. It took everything out of Kendall to say those words and it all meant nothing.

Kendall never realized how hard is was to resist Carlos. His arms stayed dangling on his side as Carlos embraced the taller boy. Kendall could only frown more knowing that he'll never get to have Carlos this way anymore. Carlos belonged to Sam now. Not Kendall.

As Carlos pulled away, he headed towards the shower. Kendall slowly closed his eyes, feeling the warm tears fall down his cheeks. He didn't want to let Carlos go. But he had to.

* * *

Pressing the down bottom on the elevator, the elevator door opened and he walked in, wiping the remaining tears left on his face. He brought his hands to his eyes to rub the tears away, feeling how swollen his eyes were. Hopefully, his friends wouldn't notice anything. The last thing he wanted was explaining why he had been crying.

The first person he saw as he walked into the restaurant was Logan. Oh god, he has completely forgotten about Logan. Now he had to work this problem out too. The brunette had his head on the table, probably from his hangover, and sat up, spotting Kendall. It wasn't hard to notice whenever Logan blushes, but he hid his face with his hands not wanting to even look at Kendall.

Kendall sat down and glanced at James in confusion. "What are you smirking about?"

James laughed lightly. "I don't know. Why don't you ask Logan? Does it feel a little warm in here? Oh, maybe it's from Logan's cheeks which are even redder than my rosacea."

"Dude, what the fuck man!" Logan slapped James' arm and buried his face back into his hands.

Even though it was mean, Kendall laughed at the interaction between Logan and James. It reminded him of Carlos and himself. Always harassing each other, but it was out of love.

"Logan, it's okay. What happened last night wa-"

"No, it wasn't okay. I should've just shut my mouth. Or controlled it." Logan chuckled and continued, "I didn't mean to pour out my feelings on you like that. Well, more like yelled my feelings at you. I guess that's what drunk Logan does. I do have feelings for you, but I'm fine with you not feeling the same for me. I understand the stuff that going on between you and Carlos and I just dumped more shit on you. We just aren't meant for each other and it's okay. And from the look of you right now, I assume last night didn't go so well with Carlos. I'm sorry, man."

Taking a hold of Logan's hand, Kendall smiled sadly. "It's fine. I understand that you were drunk and you weren't thinking clearly. And yeah. Last night was rough. It's gonna be hard for me to get through it. But hey, I have you right?"

"Right." A smile rose on Logan's lips. "And you have James too. Don't forget about James."

"Yeah, man. I'll be there for you no matter what. And what is this about you and Carlos? I feel like I don't know a lot about the four guys I hang out with the most."

Kendall laughed and explained, "Well nothing's gonna happened between us so I might as well tell you. But yeah, I have feelings for Carlos. And these few days have pushed my feelings farther with him. But last night I realized that I can't keep grieving over Carlos and I have to move on. It's not healthy for me to cry myself to sleep every other night because of Carlos. It's time to let go."

"Wow. Then who am I in love with and who loves me?"

The blonde rolled his eyes at James and smacked his arm. "This is serious, asshole!"

James' hand rubbed his arm and pouted. "You guys are abusive."

"Well we wouldn't be so abusive if you wouldn't say stupid shit like that," Logan commented.

Taking a sip of his coffee, James apologized. "I'm sorry, Jesus. But seriously. You guys should have a reality TV show about this cause it would be one dramatastic show."

Both Logan and Kendall glared at James. "Can you stop? Everyone is heartbroken and you're making fun of us," Logan said with an angry tone in his voice.

"Actually," Kendall interrupted. "Carlos got his broken heart fixed."

"What are you talking about?" James asked. "I thought Sammy broke up with him. Have you seen his depressing tweets? I mean, geez, someone's on their period."

"Christ, James! It's eight in the morning and you're already doing stand up comedy," Kendall hissed. "Anyways, they got back together last night. Apparently she cheated on him, but he still wants to take her back. I don't understand why that little shit said yes."

"I'm sorry, Kendall. I guess he was so heartbroken he just wanted to be with someone so bad and love him. And the only option was Sam." Logan squeezed Kendall's shoulder for comfort.

"But I could've been an option. I am caring and loving and I can take care of Carlos better than anyone could. He was just too blind to see me over his heart break." Kendall looked down at his empty plate on the table, feeling tears starting to come back. He held the tears back. He was done crying about Carlos.

"Hey, it's okay. We'll get through this together. One day Carlos will see how great of a guy you are and he'll be crawling right into your arms," Logan said while James nodded in agreement.

"But what if I'm over him and already moved on by then, which would probably never happen, but what if? His heart is just going to get broken even more because I don't love him back. I don't know if he ever will though. He's as straight as they come. Or maybe not," Kendall sighed loudly. "I don't know. Carlos is at that line between gay and straight. And he keeps crossing the line and doing things that friends don't really do, but then he just goes back behind that line and pretends that nothing ever happened. I'm sick and tired of feeling like I'm being played and I am just emotionally drained. So the best thing to do is to stay away from him. As much as it hurts me and how hard it's gonna be, it's better for me to move on to another person instead of wallowing in my sadness for the rest of my life and going after nothing."

"I know how you feel," Logan sighed along with Kendall, then laughing when the blonde gave him an apologetic smile.

"I'm sorry, Logan. I really am. You're a great guy and I'm stupid for letting you slip away, but I've already established you as a friend and nothing else. Well best friends, of course."

"Yeah yeah yeah. I know. Why don't we go out one night and find ourselves another guy for us to be head over heels for?"

"Yeah. I would like that. But that's gonna have to be after tour because if I do find someone else I don't think I'll be able to stay away from him. Plus, I don't think he can go a few months without sex. I don't think _I _could go a few months without sex."

James glared at Kendall with a disgusting face. "God, you guys say I'm the annoying one, but at least I'm not the one talking about getting it up the pooper from another guy at 8am."

Nudging James lightly, Kendall laughed along with the two brunettes. It felt good to smile and laugh again. He felt so blessed that he had friends like James and Logan that could cheer him up no matter what situation.

The small Latino caught the corner of the blonde's eye. Kendall didn't know whether he should stay or leave. He didn't know if he would break down and cry or freeze up or puke. With Carlos sitting in front of him, it hit him how hard it would actually be to let go of someone he's loved for so long. The first thing Carlos asked was how everyone slept, but Kendall avoided eye contact and all he did was nod at every question thrown at him. It hurt too much to talk to him. It hurt too damn much to even talk to him.

"Kendall."

Kendall's eye averted to the person calling out his name. Blinking a few times, Carlos' lips transformed into a thin line. "What is it with you this morning? You've been acting really strange since you woke up."

Laughing nervously, Kendall played with the spoon in his coffee cup, stirring the dark liquid in circles. "I guess I…uh…I didn't get enough sleep last night. Gotta drink a little bit of coffee before I wake up."

Kendall offered a fake smile, Carlos nodding slowly. Kendall knew Carlos caught him lying, but brushed it off. He just wanted this day to be over so they could fly back to L.A. and start their damn tour. He needed something to take his mind off Carlos.

* * *

"And that's a wrap!"

And with that, the video shoot was done. Everybody was exhausted on the way back to the hotel to pack their belongings for the flight back. The first and most important thing that was on the top of Kendall's list was to get a nap in until it was time for them to leave for the airport. Looking at his watch, he set the time on his iPhone to give him just enough time to stuff his clothes in his suitcase. The blonde hopped between the covers and closed his eyes with a content sigh. After a long day of work, or a workation as Carlos calls it, a nap was the best reward he could have.

Just as Kendall was about to drift off into his dream, he heard the hotel door slam, shaking the walls and jerking Kendall awake. An audible groan came out of Kendall's mouth, Carlos apologizing for waking up the taller boy. The side of Kendall's bed dipped down and a warm hand was placed on Kendall's stomach.

"Schmidtster, we have an hour to pack for our trip back and a nap is not something you can just squeeze in in such little time," Carlos whispered, drumming his fingers on Kendall's stomach.

Kendall didn't know if it was the vibration of Carlos' fingers or the butterflies in his stomach that were preventing him from falling back asleep. "Packing will take like 5 minutes. Just let me sleep," Kendall replied with a groggy voice. He just needed Carlos to leave him alone and give him the space he needed.

The dent on the bed reformed its shape as Carlos stood up. "Okay, okay. I'll let you sleep. But just so you know I'm going to be packing so don't get mad at me if I wake you up."

Kendall grunted, assuming Carlos would take that as an answer to his question. Closing his eyes, Kendall drifted into his sleep, drowning out the noise of Carlos packing to a silence.

* * *

"Wake up! We're gonna be late!"

Carlos shook the blonde forcefully to wake him up. Kendall groaned loudly, pushing the Latino off the bed and onto the ground.

"Hey! Get up! We need to catch this flight or I'll do a bowel movement down your throat."

Groaning again, Kendall slid his legs out of the covers and sat up on the edge of his bed while rubbing his eyes. "Jesus, Carlos. I'm up, I'm up!" Kendall yawned and asked, "What time is it, by the way?"

"It's 6:45 and our plane leaves in an hour so let's hurry and get to the airport!"

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom and meet you at the lobby in five, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. See you then." Carlos wheeled his luggage behind him and walked out the hotel room.

Kendall's eyes widened, remembering he completely forgot to pack. He cursed his iPhone for not going off and waking him up on time. He searched around for his suitcase and his clothes, confused when he couldn't find any stray clothing anywhere in the room. His suitcase was zipped and laying next to the wall near the door. Kendall wandered near the luggage, unzipping it and finding everything in it neatly folded and placed in perfect piles. Of course, this had to be Carlos. It was typical that Carlos would do this for the most unorganized person in the world. Smiling, he reminded himself to thank Carlos later. How was he suppose to forget about someone so sweet and perfect?

The ding of the elevator caught everyone's attention in the lobby, their heads turning to see Kendall walking out with an apologetic smile. Sighing in relief, James waved his hands signaling Kendall to 'hurry the fuck up'.

"Sorry, guys. I overslept," Kendall apologized. "Oh and uh…Carlos…uh…thanks for packing my things. I owe you one."

"Nah. It's okay. I know how hard this week has been on you and you had a bad day today and yesterday and I wanted to make it up to you."

"Aw, thanks Carlos." Kendall didn't know whether he should hug the smaller boy or not or just give him a handshake or just something to fill the awkward silence. Instead, the blonde smiled softly at Carlos trying to hide the pain in his eyes. It was getting hard to distance himself away from Carlos and stop all the unnecessary physical contact they had. Kendall got so comfortable with Carlos that everything seemed normal to them. Now, everything's changed. Not only did Kendall have to keep his hands off Carlos because of Sam, but it was his time to move on to someone new.

The car ride to the airport felt uncomfortable for all of them. Especially Kendall and Carlos. The loud ringtone of Carlos' phone broke the silence, Carlos smiling as he saw the caller ID. Kendall made a disgusted face because he knew exactly who it was.

"Hey, baby. What up?"

_Gross. _Kendall's gag reflex was being tested as Carlos cooed to his so called "girlfriend", telling her how much he missed her.

"I can't wait to see you too, love. Are you gonna be at the airport? Oh…You're not?"

What type of girlfriend was she? She wanted to get back with him, but won't even wait for him after not seeing him for a few days? James and Logan switched their stares back and forth from Carlos to Kendall. They all knew it was a bad choice for Carlos to get back with Sam. They just got back together and Carlos is still unhappy. But Carlos is too in love to see that she doesn't make him as happy as Kendall does. No. Kendall had to stop. There is and will never be a possibility of Carlos ever loving Kendall.

"Okay then. I guess I'll see you when I get back to the house. You're going out with friends tonight? Well…um…tomorrow then? We'll celebrate your birthday together, okay? Okay! Sounds great! I love you!"

Carlos hung up and then looked at his friends. "Oh yeah I got back with Sam if you didn't know."

James and Logan hummed while Kendall stared out the window pretending not to hear any of the conversation between Carlos and Sam. She blew him off. Twice. It hurt Kendall that she would do these things to him while Carlos only saw the good in people.

After arriving at the airport, they printed out their tickets and got in line for security. Comparing their seats, Kendall and Carlos were seated next to each other again. Kendall sighed at the fact that they just had to put together again. He couldn't bare to go through what happened on the plane the night they got to Hawaii. And sitting next to Carlos for the next six hours? He most definitely didn't have the will power. Not yet.

"Since you took a nap earlier, I think it's my turn to take a nap. And since you're sitting next to me, my personal pillow will be right there doing his job." Carlos smiled brightly at the taller boy.

Kendall didn't know how he could possibly reject Carlos. He was so happy when he found out he was sitting next to his "pillow" and now that he's smiling like that made it even harder for Kendall to reject the Latino. But he had to. "Um…actually, I was thinking I could sit with Logan this time, yeah? Maybe we could switch it around?"

Carlos' smile fell along with Kendall's heart. Kendall upset Carlos and that was the last thing he wanted to do. "Okay…I guess. I'll just bond with James. But just so you know he'll never be as perfect of a pillow as you."

"Of course," Kendall replied with a nervous laugh. He mentally punched himself because he knew how upset Carlos was. Rejecting him turned Carlos' emotions into a 180. The way his blinding smile disappeared from his face just screamed that he felt disappointed.

Carlos walked through security easily, but he was confused. Why did Kendall turn him down? Kendall always wanted to spend time with Carlos, but this time it was different. He wanted to spend time with Logan. Of course. They're together now. Why didn't they tell the band? Carlos always felt kind of guilty that he already knew about their secret, but he was also happy for them. Both of his best friends found love and it was about time each of them did. It was as if Kendall just got taken away from Carlos. Now that Kendall had Logan, Kendall didn't need him anymore. Who did he have? James? James was always in his own world. Sure Carlos and James were friends, but they never had the bond he had with Kendall or Logan. He also had Sam. But who would be with him to talk about guy stuff to?

Carlos would be lying if he said he didn't feel lonely. Also, because tour was coming up, Kendall and Logan would bunk in a bus, too. Carlos looked forward to living with Kendall for a few months and spending more time with the blonde, but there was a change of plans. Maybe he should bring Sydney along. Sydney seemed to be the best option because at least he'll know she'll never leave him. Carlos took deep breaths, telling himself to stop before he upsets himself even more. He needed to accept the fact that Kendall had a new perspective of Logan and Kendall wouldn't be around as often.

It was time for Carlos to let go.

_So? What did you guys think? :)_


	7. One Step Closer

_wow you guys probably hate me cause I haven't updated in like 23950392 years, but I had PSATs and homecoming all in one week PLUS two project due last week so I hope you understand. It's not easy keeping up with a __vic while taking 3 AP classes so bare with me. Hopefully this will suffice so enjoy! And thanks for all the wonderful reviews! I just love reading the reactions that you guys have, haha. :*_

Kendall's hand hit his alarm clock harder than he expected, the now silenced pieced of technology on the ground. It was 6:30 in the morning and he still had thirty minutes to get out of bed and get ready for tour rehearsals. Tour was coming up in about a week and all of them were a little rusty since the Better With U Tour. Plus, this tour was planned to be 2x bigger with more pyro and a huge jungle gym. Rehearsal was a must. The blonde peeked out from his covers, swearing under his breath at the fact that the sun still hadn't come out yet. Speaking of his breath, Kendall's face twisted in disgust as the horrid odor entered his nose. At least that was some motivation to get out of bed. As he brushed his teeth, the chime on his phone rang notifying him of a new text. He stopped brushing and walked over to the phone with his toothbrush still in his mouth, toothpaste spilling over his lips. Who would be texting him at 6am? The brightness on his phone caused his eyes to wince as he read Carlos' name on his screen.

Carlos: Wake up sleepy head! Time to rehearse for tour! :)))))

Him and his dumb smiley faces. Kendall rolled his eyes and unlocked his phone, texting back the Latino.

Kendall: yeah yeah yeah. i'm up! just brushing my teeth.

Kendall headed back to the sink and spit out the white minty liquid and rinsed his mouth. His phone rang again.

Carlos: Im applauding you right now. Its rare to see u actually waking up on time :p

Kendall scoffed and moved his fingers quickly across the glassy screen of the iPhone.

Kendall: shut up. shouldn't you be getting ready instead of texting me? i'm literally about to see you in like 30 minutes. we can talk then.

Carlos: yeah I know but I wanted to make sure u were up! Oh yeah I need to ask you about Sam's birthday. I'm throwing her a surprise party at my house tonight and I want u to come! It's gonna be fun! Please come pleaaaaassseeeeee!

Sighing, Kendall threw his phone on his bed, reminding himself to text back later. He searched for clothes that he could sweat in for rehearsal, wondering if he should go to the party or not. Did he really want to go? He could already picture Carlos pouting his lips at the taller boy, giving him puppy dog eyes pleading him to go. This meant a lot for Carlos cause he wanted to make his girlfriend happy. But Kendall didn't know how he would feel seeing Sam and Carlos together all night. Also, he didn't want to talk to her either. He could already imagine how awkward it would be talking to the person that stood in the way of Kendall's chances with Carlos. He didn't want to hate Sam, but he couldn't help it. It wouldn't hurt to pretend to like her for one night. Just to make Carlos happy. Kendall picked up his phone and replied back to Carlos.

Kendall: yeah sure that sounds good. are the other guys coming too?

Carlos: U want me to invite them too? I was hoping u and me could get drunk together and hang out while sam did her own thing with her friends.

Carlos just wanted Kendall to come? And hang out? Just him and Carlos? No. That couldn't happen. Remembering the promise to himself, he needed Logan and James to come too and keep his mind and hands off Carlos. Learning how to keep his distance from Carlos was something he needed to do.

Kendall: i was hoping you could invite Logan and James. i mean, what's better than 4 drunks instead of 2?

Carlos: Oh. Okay. Sure why not.

Carlos definitely didn't like the idea. The lack of the overuse of punctuation made it clear Carlos wasn't excited. Kendall thought to himself that it was the best thing to do. He decided not to text Carlos back and discuss the rest with him later when they met up at rehearsals.

* * *

Carlos stared at his phone waiting for Kendall to reply. Five minutes passed and there was still no response. It bothered Carlos why Kendall suddenly became so distant from him. It seemed like Kendall didn't want to be around Carlos anymore. Ever since Kendall and Logan kissed, everything has changed. Change wasn't always a bad thing, but this change definitely wasn't good. Kendall was his best friend. _Was_. Now Carlos became just another person in Kendall's life.

Before falling asleep the night before, Carlos thought about what Kendall said when he broke the news about Sam and him. Why would Kendall say such a thing about her? Kendall knew how much he loved Sam and how heartbroken he felt about the breakup. Wasn't it obvious he was going to get back with her in a heartbeat? They have been together for over two years and she felt like the one. She was the center of his world…but was he the center of hers? She didn't even bother to drop by the house when he came home. Carlos eagerly wanted to tell someone about all the exciting things they did in Hawaii and how he cliff dived or paddle boarded. But he had no one to share it with. Not even his girlfriend. Girls needed a girl's night out sometimes…right? Usually, Carlos would swing by Kendall's house to hang out when Sam went out with friends, but who does he have now? Most likely Kendall and Logan would be spending as much time together. A bitter feeling hit Carlos when Logan crossed his mind. Even though Logan was Carlos' second best friend after Kendall, Logan struck a bad chord in Carlos. He stole Kendall away from him and Carlos felt alone. And jealous.

He wasn't going to lie to himself because spending time with Kendall was always fun and his favorite part of the day. Sometimes he would rather spend a day with Kendall than Sam. Kendall and him had a…spark. Something that him and Sam didn't have. Of course he loved Sam, but it felt more comfortable cuddling with Kendall. He liked being held and warmed by the person beside him. He felt safe beside Kendall. The blonde gave him that comfort that he could never feel with Sam.

Carlos pondered on a particular subject. His sexuality. All the things that he's done with Kendall were…normal…right? Best friends cuddle or hold hands or share clothes. Maybe it seemed _a little _bit on the homosexual side, but hey! They were best friends! That just shows how close they were and they were comfortable enough around each other that none of it was awkward. Carlos was sure he wasn't gay. But…Kendall wasn't a bad looking guy. Sure, he had his moments, but both sexes would think he was hot. Just cause he thought Kendall had inherited the better genes of his parents or that he would rather hang out with him than his girlfriend didn't make him gay.

His mind drifted to how it would feel kissing Kendall. He furrowed his eyebrows, confused that the idea didn't exactly disgust him. Even though it would be weird doing anything intimate with one of his best friends, it made Carlos feel tingly at his thoughts.

The first time Kendall planted a kiss on Carlos' temple, the Latino, for some reason, craved more of it. Sam never did that. It was a sweet gesture and Carlos missed the feeling of Kendall's pillow lips. Carlos chuckled to himself because it would only make sense that his pillow would have pillow lips. But a peck on the forehead felt like something of the norm between them. It never felt awkward or weird when they cuddled or held hands. So why would it be different if they kissed? Well, then there's Logan. Carlos didn't know why he felt so disappointed that he couldn't test out his theory. Being the person Kendall was, he would never cheat on Logan. If it was love, Kendall would make sure that person was as happy as they could be. He always thought of others before himself, which was a quality Carlos admired about Kendall. Kendall sacrificed anything that wasn't important to make Carlos smile and it touched the smaller boy as he reminisced about all the things Kendall has done for him. Kendall made sure Carlos never felt left behind, but what about now? Even though he had just gotten back with his girlfriend, he still wasn't happy. Sam didn't have the qualities Kendall had. Sam didn't take care of Carlos like Kendall did. Sam didn't hold Carlos like Kendall.

Sam wasn't Kendall.

No. What was he thinking? He can't have feelings for Kendall. That's ridiculous! Guilt crept up in his mind. Thinking of Kendall like that was cheating on Sam. Kendall had Logan. He had Sam. He should be content with his life, but he wasn't. Maybe this whole week was making his brain think oddly. All he needed was a decent amount of sleep so maybe he could think straight. (Pun intended)

* * *

Carlos slid into the driver's seat of his car and started the engine. Planning all the details of Sam's party in his head, he finally pulled into the parking lot. After arriving at the studio for rehearsal, he saw Logan and James' car in the parking lot. The brunettes greeted him, Carlos trying hard to put on a smile for Logan. Carlos shook his head at himself for being mad at one of his closest friends for a dumb reason. He strolled over to them, asking whether or not they wanted to attend Sam's surprise birthday party.

"Dude, you don't sound too happy inviting us," James commented on Carlos' flat tone.

Carlos hadn't even noticed the tone when he asked them about the party. "Sorry. I wanted to invite Kendall so we could hang out while Sam talked to her friends so I wouldn't be alone, but I guess it wouldn't hurt to invite a few more people."

Logan and James exchanged expressions, Carlos shrugging it off. "We don't have to go if you don't want us to."

"No no no. You guys should come! I mean you guys are her friends too, right? The more the merrier!"

Logan blinked at Carlos, not knowing if he was being sarcastic or not. "Are you sure? We wouldn't care if you didn't want us there cause me and James were going to go mini golfing or something this evening."

Carlos didn't want to feel like an asshole by just inviting Kendall. "Yeah, of course! Um…just get to my house before 6 and we'll surprise Sam for her birthday!"

"Sounds like a plan! But I'll let you and Kendall have some alone time," Logan replied, both brunettes smirking.

Confused, Carlos nodded as the door to the studio opened. Kendall finally arrived late, of course. The blonde walked in, his Peru tank hanging loosely off his body. Carlos couldn't help but stare at the taller boy. Not only was the tank one of Carlos' favorites, he liked it even more on Kendall. His arms flexed as Kendall set his bag down on the ground, Carlos averting his eyes at the ground. When did he become so affected by Kendall? The Latino glanced back up, making eye contact with Kendall who smiled sadly, then walked over to Logan.

Why couldn't they just tell everyone they were together? Then they would have to break up because Nickelodeon would never approve of half a boy band that were idols to so many fans be gay. That would mean Carlos would get Kendall back! Immediately, Carlos felt guilty for even thinking of breaking up Kendall and Logan. Logan made Kendall so happy and Carlos didn't want to take that away from him. Carlos wished it was him that could give Kendall everything he ever needed, but Logan beat him to it.

As rehearsal started, everyone could tell Carlos struggled to keep up with the choreography. His feelings were clogged up and concentrating on the routines became harder and harder. Each time Carlos screwed up, he was met with an encouraging smile from Kendall. Tripping several times on his own feet, Carlos let out a frustrated growl grabbing everyone's attention. He sat down on the floor, bringing his hands to his head, running his fingers through his hair. It was important for Carlos to get the choreography right because tour is in less than two weeks and Carlos felt like he was disappointing everyone. Feeling a hand on his shoulder, the smaller boy looked up, seeing Kendall slowly sitting down next to him.

"What's the matter? You've been out of it today," Kendall asked, giving Carlos a worried look. Usually, Carlos caught on to the choreography easily so obviously there was something bothering him.

Carlos shifted awkwardly. What was he suppose to do? Confess everything to Kendall? The last thing he wanted to happen was for Kendall to find out everything that's been circulating through his feelings and emotions. He wasn't sure exactly what he was feeling so he couldn't pinpoint if he even felt anything for Kendall or not. Okay…maybe there was something there…Carlos bit his lip as he watched the beads of sweat dripped down the blonde's forehead, his focus completely on Carlos. "Uh, I guess I just miss Sam. You know, since I haven't seen her in a while," Carlos laughed nervously, hoping Kendall would buy his lie.

Kendall's expression stirred into a disappointed one. "Oh. Okay. Well…I hope you feel better."

Carlos became speechless as Kendall walked away. What did he do wrong? Shrugging it off, Carlos pushed himself off the ground and back on his feet. He glanced back at Kendall, finding him smiling and laughing with Logan. All Carlos seemed to do was make Kendall upset and once Kendall got to Logan, everything seemed fine. The Latino shook his head and sighed. He kept fucking everything up.

* * *

The sweat on Kendall's body soaked every inch of his tank, making it a darker shade of blue than it originally was. The blonde plopped himself on the ground, slightly out of breath but definitely sweating his ass off. The sweat on his forehead began blurring his vision, burning his eyes slightly. Using his tank, Kendall wiped his face, sighing when he felt the cool air hit his stomach as he lifted the fabric. Thank God rehearsal was over or else he would've been perspirating urine from the lack of any other liquid in his body. Glancing over at Carlos, the smaller boy's gaze seemed to be fixed at Kendall, but averted his stare after making eye contact with Kendall. Kendall's eyebrows came together wondering why Carlos has been acting so weird this entire rehearsal. Maybe it was the way Kendall just left Carlos hanging when Kendall saw how much he was struggling with the choreography. Sam was the reason why Carlos couldn't do shit right during rehearsals. He had to walk away before he blew up in Carlos' face telling him how much of an idiot he was to take her back. Couldn't he see that he was still miserable? Has she even bothered to visit him?

The door opened and slammed shut causing everyone's attention to turn to the sudden noise. A high pitch squeal caused everyone to wince and cringe at the obnoxious sound. What the hell made that noise? Of course. It was _her. _Sam ran into Carlos' opened arms, quickly jumping off him when he realized how much sweat he was drenched in. Carlos brushed loose strands of hair out of her face and connected their lips. Sam deepened the kiss, pulling the back of Carlos' neck and moaned.

Kendall looked away, pretending as if he didn't notice Sam's presence. It was disgusting. Everything was disgusting. Feeling sick to his stomach, Kendall excused himself and ran to the bathroom.

Opening the door, he quickly walked in and slammed the door shut, locking it to make sure no one would get it. Kendall dropped down on his knees in front of the toilet and gripped the sides. The contents of his stomach spewed out of his mouth as his head hung low in the toilet bowl. The blonde took deep breaths as tears soaked his cheeks from the burning sensation of his throat.

He hated it. He hated their relationship. He hated Sam. He hated what Carlos was doing to him. He hated all the emotions he felt with Carlos because they were all put to waste. For the past 3 years, he could've found someone else that couldn't do all the shit Carlos was doing to him. Right now, he could've been in love with a wonderful guy instead of crying over one who's too oblivious to see how much Kendall cared for him. Why did he keep going back to Carlos? Even though Carlos put him in so much shit these past few years, he also made Kendall feel something that he's never felt before about someone. Carlos had a special quality that made him unique and lovable to everyone. All the memorable moments Kendall spent with Carlos made him forget and forgive about the mistakes he's made.

There was a constant battle between his head and his heart. With his heart, Carlos was the one he wanted to be with for the rest of his life. With his head, this was a toxic relationship and he needed to move on. Sometime it's best to go with the heart, but maybe this time it's best to go with the head. Kendall presented his heart to Carlos and it was ripped apart then mended together and then ripped apart again. As much as his mind told him to stop, he never could. This time it had to be different. Things had to change.

A knock on the door startled Kendall. "Yeah?"

"You okay man?" It was Carlos. "I saw you run out of the room pretty fast holding your stomach."

"Uh…yeah hold on a second," Kendall replied, flushing the toilet. The cool water from the sink felt soothing on his throat as he gargled the water in his mouth. He brought his shirt up to his face, wiping the remaining water droplets on his face. Kendall opened the door and met Carlos concerned of the blonde. The shorter boy paced back and forth, his concentration on the floor, but his expression changed into relief when he saw Kendall exit the bathroom alive.

"Oh my god, are you okay? I heard a loud slam and then you throwing up. I thought you were going to die."

The ends of Kendall's lips turned upwards. "No, I wasn't going to die, Los. I just felt a little ill and felt like I was gonna puke so I just ran into the bathroom and saved the janitor some work."

Chuckling, Carlos looked up at the taller boy smiling. "Well, I'm glad you're okay. I hope you can still make it to Sam's birthday party tonight."

He completely forgot about that. It wouldn't be even possible for Kendall to survive a whole night of Samlos if he couldn't even handle seeing a second of them making out. He knew how much it meant for Carlos for him to be there, but he actually needed to keep his food in his stomach for a day.

"You don't have to go if you can't," Carlos suggested after noticing Kendall contemplating on whether to attend the party or not. "I mean, if you're not feeling well I don't want to force you to go."

Kendall could tell how disappointed Carlos was. Just the way he said it became an obvious factor that he was upset. "But I want to go. I know how important this is to you and I don't want to let you down."

"I want you to feel better so getting your rest is important. We don't need you to get sick when tour starts, right? That would mean you would be letting everyone plus the fans down. Then I would have to kick your ass," Carlos punched Kendall's arm playfully.

Kendall laughed along knowing that he was only trying to lighten up the mood of the conversation. "Are you sure? Are the other guys going? I don't want you to be alone during the party while Sam does her thing."

"Uh, yeah they're coming! I can still have fun with them. But hey, at least I get to see Logan get drunk again. I wonder what other crazy things are gonna happen."

He could tell Carlos was putting on a fake smile, but so was Kendall. "You better tell me all about it tomorrow. And again, thanks for understanding. I'll give her a late birthday present to apologize for not coming or something."

"Nah, you don't have to do that," Carlos shook his head. "She'll understand since you're a little bit under the weather. Maybe you swallowed too much sea water or something. But promise me that you'll get your rest and drink lots of orange juice!"

Rolling his eyes, Kendall squeezed Carlos' shoulders for reassurance. "Yes, I promise. And I don't have orange juice, but I think I'll survive."

"You have to pinky promise," Carlos said, holding out his pinky expecting Kendall to hook his pinky with his own.

Obviously, Carlos wasn't five, but he had his moments when he acted like one. It was cute and adorable and that was one of the reasons why Kendall fell hard for the Latino. It always made Kendall felt like he needed to protect him or look after him in case he got hurt.

Hooking his pinky with Carlos, he promised to take care of himself. It touched his heart how much Carlos cared about him when it was something not even worthy bringing any concern to.

The smaller boy smiled, his eyes crinkling as he pulled Kendall in for a hug. Carlos buried his head in Kendall's chest with his arms wrapped tightly around Kendall's waist, squeezing his diaphragm. Kendall was taken back by the unexpected embrace and struggled for air. Carlos _was _really worried about Kendall.

"Hey, Carlos?" Kendall breathed out, his air restricted from Carlos' grip.

"Yeah?" The Latino muffled into Kendall's shirt.

"I need to breathe too, ya know."

Carlos let go, his cheeks turning bright pink under his caramel skin. Kendall laughed at the gesture and smiled down at him wondering why he would ever want to move on from him. There wasn't anything he did that didn't make his heart leap out of his chest or grab his face and go in for a kiss.

As Carlos glanced back up at the taller boy, he met those green eyes he was fond of. It became difficult to look away as he was drawn closer and closer to the blonde. As cliché as it was, everything really did disappear around him and all that mattered was how much he loved staring into those eyes. The way the green surrounded the small hints of red and grey and brown. It all made it so much more irresistible. He didn't care about how much time had passed, but the atmosphere wasn't awkward like he thought it would be. It was comfortable. And maybe a little….romantic?

It was like a scene from a movie. They would stare into each other's eyes lovingly before they would kiss and all the things he felt were so cliché. The way his heart pounded or the way his hands became sweaty from how nervous he felt. Nervous? This was Kendall. Why was he nervous in front of Kendall?

Kendall started leaning in slowly, inching his way closer and closer to Carlos. Carlos didn't understand what he was doing or maybe he was unaware what he was doing but he mimicked Kendall's gesture and leaned closer to the blonde.

Kendall placed a hand nonchalantly on the Latino's hips. Carlos didn't want to pull away because it felt…right. This didn't feel weird or uncomfortable. He liked the contact with Kendall. Maybe he could try out a new kind of contact…

Both Kendall and Carlos jumped back when someone cleared their throat. Kendall quickly released his grip on Carlos' waist and glared at the person who ruined the moment that could've changed everything. Carlos laughed nervously when he noticed it was Sam. He ran over to her and laced his fingers with hers, covering up the awkward atmosphere.

"Uh, yeah. I hope you feel better," Carlos coughed out. It was obvious how Carlos tried avoiding eye contact with Kendall, looking everywhere but him.

"Yeah. Sure," Kendall left his tone flat. God clearly made it impossible for anything more to happen between him and Carlos no matter how close they got.

Sam smiled bitterly as if she knew what Kendall was trying to do: steal Carlos away from her. He definitely wasn't doing that. Well…maybe but not intentionally. It wasn't his fault that he had involuntarily fallen in love with Carlos. He wished that it could've been like Romeo and Juliet. They both fell in love instantaneously. Easy and simple. Except for the part where everyone dies, but he wished Carlos would feel the same way in a blink of an eye. But no, things just don't work that way. Thank you very much William Shakespeare for giving everyone in the world false hope.

Shaking his head to himself, Kendall grabbed his bags and walked out of rehearsals ready to make himself a healthy yet delicious lunch.

* * *

As he chewed on his salad, his mind was fixed on one thing: the moment he and Carlos almost kissed. It was nearly perfect, but someone always had to interrupt. Sticking to his plan of letting go of Carlos was crap now. He dug himself too deep in the hole and it was impossible to get out of. But that moment gave him hope that maybe Carlos could possibly one day be his. It wasn't like Carlos didn't know what was happening. He knew exactly what was happening; yet, he didn't pull back. The way the Latino looked into his eyes…changed. It wasn't uncertainty like before. It was…different…unexplainable.

Everything just wasn't adding up. If, and emphasis on the if, Carlos felt anything for him, why did he still need Sam? She was just the barrier between what could actually be perfection. But this was definitely one step close to Carlos.

* * *

Carlos smiled at himself when his surprise for Sam was successful. Even though she almost crapped her pants when she walked in, he was still proud of himself for actually not screwing something up for the first time.

The amount of beer was slowly disappearing as the party went later into the night, mostly because of Logan and James. Carlos couldn't help but laugh at his pissed drunk friends literally shitting themselves from laughing their ass off at nothing. He would've joined them in their drunk fest, but since he was the host of his party, he didn't want people like James and Logan messing with his house. Hopefully it wouldn't be like the last party he had when his bowl of skittles completely broke and it took hours to clean up and find every single skittle that scattered on the floor.

All Carlos could do was bop around to the music and make sure every thing was still in its place. While Logan and James did their thing, he didn't have Sam either. She was laughing about something with her friends and hadn't acknowledged Carlos all night. Well, it was her birthday so he gave her a break. But he wished Kendall could've come. He would've stuck it out with Carlos and sobered up with him to help take care of the guests.

Whipping out his phone, he decided to text Kendall to see what he was up to. Anything would've been more entertaining than this party.

Carlos: hey! what are u up to? are u feeling better?

Kendall: yup! I still feel kinda shitty but I am feeling a little better :)

Carlos smiled knowing that Kendall was still alive and doing well. Hearing Logan giggling, he looked up at the brunette, nearly dropping his phone. Carlos rubbed his eyes, blinking a few times, then looking back at James and Logan. They were kissing. More like making out, but they were kissing! But Logan was with Kendall…and now Logan's hooking up with James! What was he doing? Logan loved Kendall! How could he do this to him? Carlos heard his heart pounding over the loud music, not knowing if he should tell Kendall or not. It wasn't his mistake to tell. But he cared about Kendall and didn't want him to get hurt from Logan getting drunk and being the dumbass he was. Kendall became a happier person because of Logan and now Logan screwed it up. He didn't want to take that away from Kendall. Maybe he should just tell Kendall so he won't be as upset and surprised when Logan tells him…

Carlos grabbed his car keys from the kitchen counter and headed to Kendall's house. Maybe he should pick up some orange juice on the way…

_So? :)_


End file.
